Soooooooooooo guess who is back? Your good old Editor in Chief!! We have seen a lot of creativity the past week or so with a celebrity from the one and only Chris Hanson (with an “o”). You know him best for works on Game of Thrones, Presidents Cup, and my personal favorite “Do I really have to say it? Uh… ‘Please Take a Seat’” . On top of this unique and out of the ordinary post, we had another celebrity appearance from our Red Zone League’s own Commander and Chief. Who somehow managed a masterpiece added to the blog earlier during his busy schedule. So that being said, this won’t be too creative and will be mediocre at best. However, it will have the facts and the analysis. It’ll get to the point and focus on mistakes compared to bold moves. Because we all know that it’s the mistakes that haunt you weekly in Fantasy Football and some may even haunt you the rest of the season… Weekly Recap Northside Angels (141) over Troll Hunters (105) Let's start things off my saying stop playing dirty you so called "angels". What's the deal with telling Jordy to get only 1.4 points and giving me false hope that I might actually break my current losing streak. Then you have your starting "angels" spare no mercy and dominate your opponents. My only win from a positional battle was DST and DP (and Jordy who NSA told to Jordy to underperform). You surely can't win games with matchups like that. I was given hope all weekend that this was the week I was going to begin to turn this around but my ray of sunshine turned to storms Sunday evening. There was no ray of sunshine left Monday knowing that once again the battle was lost… Overall, though NSA keeps his momentum rolling with another comfortable win. Only real discussion point for NSA is why his players didn't get 15-20 points a given week and as such, there isn't much to talk about. Jordy had a rough week but I am assuming this won't be a normal occurrence by any means. Trolls Hunters is actually not too exciting either. My team got me 100 pts which is kinda the norm these days. He better be hopeful that Doug Martin remains sidelines for a few more weeks because he needs all the help he can get at RBs. Not to say his WRs have been producing lately but at least we know that have this year. He RBs on the other hand are currently looking like Trolls… Hopefully they can become the hunters soon and save this from spiraling down the drain. Indian Outlaws (98) over 90* Putters (89) I don't even want to talk about how bad this game was… I understand that Zek was on a bye but you really dodged a bullet. I mean Mike Davis had only like 1 run and it happened to be a TD. Everyone else on your bench was below 1 pt primarily because injuries are plague this bench. It's tough to add fill ins when you have no spots to put these players on your team. IOS also had a DST that got annihilated by the hottest new talent Ajayi… that wasn't expected but almost cost him a win. He had average output from Bell (because let's be honest 18 pts is avg for him) and solid work from Cooks and Tyrell Williams. This is the reason IOS was somewhat competitive this week without one of his Stars. I don't expect this to happy often and 90* missed a golden opportunity to beat a weakened IOS. On the other hand, 1.7 pts combined from your RB1-2 will lose you games as it did here for 90*. However, it's not like he had better options. His only reliable RB has a ailing shoulder and one was on the brink of retiring… (definitely surprised but not really). His only hope was a 20+ pt game from his WRs to cover his poor RB performance. Cobb started strong but Sanders was only average… Average won't beat IOS (unless you are Le'vion). It was actually somewhat interesting knowing that 90* had a chance unlike his brother noted above. IOS is happy because a win is a win and the older of the two Hanson brothers failed to defeat the weakened IOS. IOS has another week against the younger Hanson brother who has a somewhat weakened team himself. We shall see if IOS can keep his streak going or if TH can break both streaks (IOS winning and TH's losing streak). Boy Toyz 3 (101) over Suzy's Pancakes (95) I really don't know how Boy Toyz 3 actually winning and tied for first at that. I am his QB got 15, RB2 7, WR2 2, Flex 3, you shouldn't win with this. However, you got the TD king Melvin Gordon and the AJ green, giving you a combined 60 points. Anyone can win, with two players with scores like that. However, he does have Latavius Murray who it was looking like he was going to losing his starting role. That might have changed this past week and this could add a some depth to this RB squad. Kelvin was on a bye so I understand starting the hot Cameron Meredith, but you dodged Suzy this week with two all start performances. You've basically put yourself in a great spot to make the playoffs this year and this win puts you that much closer. Good work Boy Toyz good work indeed. Suzy's pancakes on the other hand had a few killers on bye which forced him to start Zach Zenner (Ouch) but actually turned out okay. Everything here is average compared to Boy Toyz which was horrible but two saving graces. I guess the strategy here is to bust on all players except two. 90* putters tried that approach but missed when sanders didn't put out being the other super star for him. Suzy's pancakes is similar to Troll Hunters, he's players have been okay but nothing like they started the season. We'll see as we make the turn into the 2nd half of the season whether or not he can turn things back around to earn one of those playoff spots. There are 2 spots for 6 teams at either 3-4 or 2-5… everyone has a chance to make the "Show". Some have a easier route then others based on byes and remaining schedule but I am saying everyone has a chance, so don't give up just yet anything could happen this 2nd half of the season. A Cornell Education (137) over River Gypsies (104) This matchup was basically ACE rubbing the trade win over RGs using Murray and Crabtree to show RGs his place at the bottom of the league. Now that being said, there are 3 teams at 2-5 and 3 more teams at 3-4. So like I said before, everyone still has a statistical chance of making the playoffs but also being the worst team in the league. We know the name change for Suzy's pancakes gave him a initial boast of motivation but that has since died down bring him back to earth in the middle of the pack. Back to the matchup though, ACE used his newly acquired talent to earn win number 2 as they put up 2 of the top 3 points on his team (each around 20 pts.) On the other hand, RGs used DeAndre Hopkins to provide a measly 6.8 points which is 3rd worst on his team. Needless to say, if this trade didn't occur, RGs would be in a lot better position right now. RGs had a mediocre week similar to Pancakes and THs. ACE, had a few studs show up and bring home the victory. No one on either bench would've changed the outcome as Gio and Rodgers did well if played, but no mix up of bench players by RGs would've earned him a win this week. Overall, its always fun playing a team you traded with, however, it only stays fun if your new players play well or you win. Neither of those happed for RGs so this is turning into another Jordy/Charles trade stealing wins away from the losing party. Vicious Veg-Heads (139) over The Mullynation (127) - Title Fight The veg heads are alive and are ready to begin part 2 of the season. Quick trade recap though since we have another trade battle this week. We have a Allen Robinson/Blount match up against Mike Evans. 28 points for Robinson/Blount (all from Blount) and 26 from Evans. Basically, Mullynation didn't lose this game because of her trade. She also gained Devontae booker who is expected to get more time out in the mile high city. However, Veg Heads was ready to fight against the queen bee and she wasn't prepared for his full force. She still put up around 130 points but she simply wasn't ready for the curse to come back. Now let me clarify, we I said Mully is back to her old self, I was referring to the curse where her opponents puts up their best score of the year. Her old self is also putting up 130+ pts which almost happened. The story line here though is that Veg Heads wanted a taste of what it feels like to be holding the "BELT" and all his players on the bench or not decided to score mad points this week. So the is really nothing Mully could have done this week. The worst thing to know is that her curse has be reinstated by Dan Wanous after Dan Rosenthal broke the curse weeks ago. We all thank you for your selfless deed Veg-Heads and we appreciate you making Mullynation mortal again. The spark that Veg Heads needed was the Jay Ajayi push and the retirement of Foster this past week has solidified his role even more (not that 400+ yds in two games wouldn't do that anyway). Forte seems to be back on track at least for the time being. If Robinson can turn this around this team can make the most miraculous run to the playoffs that we have yet to see in the Red Zone league. The 2nd half of the season is underway and we'll see if Mully can once again shake this curse and get her RBs back on track. McCoy and his lingering injury won't help matters but the emergence of Booker could be her saving grace. For now, we know that the BELT is in the hands of a hard working farmer who has burned plenty of healthy crops over the past few weeks. He seems to have figured out a good mix of players but we'll see if he can keep this up for weeks to come now that the BELT is hanging over his shoulder each and every week going forward. Power Rankings - Week 8 1. NorthSide Angels 5-2 (+1) One thing this team isn't missing is RBs. He's got two starting RB1s and plenty of depth at the RB2 with James White, Crowell, etc. Solid WRs as well with TY Hilton and Jordy… Topping it off with Breezy and Gronk puts him is a pretty solid spot at the top of the list. 2. The Mullynation 5-2 (-1) I have Mullynation drop a spot because of McCoy (her old reliable the first half of the season) has since questioned his reliability. She has his handcuff which is a bonus and who has a new starting RB Booker with CJ return 5-7 weeks at best... She easily has the potential to jump back up next week. The unknown with her RB2 situation forced to down a spot, but by no means is she scraping by. Plenty of depth for now gives her a top 2 spot on this list for week 2. 3. Twin City Tree Cats 5-2 (+2) I can't believe I am saying this but I like a number 3 twin city tree cats for week 8. No bye problems and some easy matchups for Christine Michael and AJ Green. Enough depth at RB to survive byes and a injury if worst comes to worst. Quality WR with Green and Benjamin with the flyer Pryor in his flex. Yah you are starting Palmer which is worrisome but he's better than Rivers against Denver (that's basically a another bye week right there). Overall, I expect a solid week for the TC2s who earned them the number 3 spot. 4. Big City Hillbillies 2-5 (+4) Yah yah, BCH is 2-5 but he shouldn't be, his team is ready for the 2nd half of the season with one weak spot in Gio. Gio could be a solid RB2 as he is looking better then Hill. But that is always true and Hill still remains the RB1 in Cinci… However, his WR are still producing above and beyond any other taem. Julio and Crabtree are doing work. With D Thomas still a top 15 WR. I still expect Cooper (my man) to start capitalizing on this red zone targets but we have a solid WR core giving him the number 4 spot. 5. Indian Outlaws 5-2 (-2) You had a horrible week last week only have 1 startable RB going into the waivers and found yourself a serviceable one. This week is no different with Bell on a bye but worse because ODB is MIA too. Would expect to regain some ground next week but as week 8 is considered, it's gonna be a battle. Maybe pull a TC2s and prove me wrong with your studs getting 30 points each. On second thought, how about you let me take care of that and you pull what you did last week one more time. The Troll Hunters would greatly appreciate that. 6. Vicious Veg-Heads 2-5 (+4)Veg-heads have earned the Title Belt which gives him the +1 ranking stat. Actually it really doesn't because Veg Heads earned this one. Yah he has his new RB1 on a bye but as we learned last week, any of his players can put up 20+ points, and don't remind Mullynation of that fact. 2 healthy RB1/2 and 3 above average WRs. Yah Robinson hasn't done anything and if can't do anything against Tennessee you should be worried. But at least this team has survived long enough to get back into the race. I won't be surprised if VV make a run for play off contention… but I wouldn't be surprised either if the Veg Heads pulls a Veg Head move. Hopefully only one (Jordy/Charles) is enough for you this year. 7. River Gypsies 2-5 (+2) Yah, based on the clip below, Hilter foretold your power ranking demise and you are now below Veg Heads on this weeks power rankings. Yah you were 6th in points last week, but that is still 6th. Your players are simply performing average and average isn't good enough anymore. Talk to Mully if you need some sympathy. Her average is 130 pts and she still can't win. That being said, you have a few tough matchups and a few generous ones. You lose this week to 90* and you are instantly going to be number 10. Watch out for his magic, it worked on IOS last week but 90* focused too much on the defensive magic and not enough boasting his own players. All I am saying is watch your back and maybe have a glass of Holy water before bed each night. 90* Putters finds ways to win without a full team, don't take this guy lightly... 8. Troll Hunters 3-4 (-4) Troll Tolls found himself with 3 startable RB1s or boardline RB2 (mainly lacy) Winter is coming for the Troll Hunters and the trolls are looking for revenge. One actual startable RB with a few other TD dependent options. If the "Quizz" can keep his job long enough to give Doug Martin the Boot that would be ideal. Seeing Martin ease back really slow for at least 3-4 weeks would be more realistically ideal. However, it's a week to week at this point. One week Dough Martin might take back his job leaving TH with a lone Gurely Man who has been flex material at best so far this season… This could be a long 2nd half of the season for these RBs. WRs are still performing average (sometime above/sometime below). They all need to start putting up big numbers to have a remote change against better team's at full strength. 9. Suzy's Pancakes 3-4 (-3) This is going to be a tough week for Suzy's Pancakes. Is main beacon of hope is on a bye and Riddick is only just starting to get back into practicing. Gore has been a decent RB2 and Stewart could come back strong from his bye. However, he has a number of WRs which are in that WR2ish-3ish range that could drag him down this week. He'll need all the help he can get playing this angry Mullynation team. That being said, VV was kind enough to bring back the curse. Maybe Suzy's will bring back some life lost after Bell reclaimed his throne. 140 pts for Suzy's, if that is the case, we definitely know Mullynation is cursed it has no intentions of leaving anytime soon. 10. 90* Putters 3-4 (-3) All I can say it ouch, I mean the only thing going right for 90* putters was his magic and Carlos Hyde. One of which failed him last week being injured but the 98 pts from IOS is definitely the work of magic (even with Zek on a bye). His RB situation is horrendous only getting slightly better with Jeremy Hill who is the most Roller Coaster player of our Decade. That being said, there is plenty of up side with Hill at least and a 1 pt game is okay when you know he could possibly get your 20. That is really not the case for West or Jones. Plenty of WR2s still on this team, even after losing Decker (wow that seems like forever ago) and don't forget his RB1 (AP). You work on the voodoo magic and knock RGs out of the running we will allow you to move up at least one spot. I promise you that!! Predictions Troll Hunters over Indian Outlaws: Marshals will walk all over the Browns
Big City Hillbillies over Vicious Veg-Heads: DThomas time to shine 90* Putters over River Gypsies: #Sorcerer will prevail Twin City Tree Cats over Northside Angels: Gordon/Michael over Johnson/Ware Mullynation over Suzy Pancakes: Rookies ready to play (Gillslee/Booker)
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It’s celebrity blog post time! With your very own celebrity and GM of the mystical 90* Putter! I was recently in London for work and will be in London again for fun. I’m in a England mood so that’s where our story takes us!
Gather ‘round children and listen a story about the lords and ladies of grand ole England and the powerful houses that ruled the nation years and years ago. Back then, there was no “fantasy football”, “computers” or punishments called “cereal chug”. Charles II of England originated what was to be called the “sport of kings” which continues to remain popular ranking top four or five in terms of current media coverage. Now I’m slightly fuzzy on the details but after researching COUNTLESS leather bound books I’ve become an amateur expert on the subject so please assume everything is correct. This story begins at Ascot for British Champions Day (actually last weekend) where the summer championship series concludes allowing the houses to give their champions a well needed rest prior to the winter campaign. Now this is where the fuzzy details come in, from what I’ve read the summer and winter campaigns of the Sport of Kings is the only “honest” way for the houses to earn money, supplies and honor for their family and their territory of rule. With only so much land, food, and supplies and it was obvious that some houses began becoming far more superior leaving others at the bottom. At daybreak, the houses began the slow walk toward the arena for the day’s contests. As with tradition, the elite houses were lead first receiving the highest praise and attention. First up were the “Elites”, led by the consistently impressive Duchess Mullynation and followed quickly by Viceroy Northside. After the Elites parties had entered, a small parade which was generously provided by Mullynation followed celebrating last week’s victory. The middle-class families began with the ever feuding bothers Earl Caddyshack and Earl Trolljegeren who walked side by side after disagreements on the order outside the gate. After a terrible first month, Landgrave Redface followed stoically allowing nothing to distract his quest to continue his winning streak. The lower-class families brought up the rear beginning with Baron Cadet. Last year was tremendously shameful for this family. The year ended with no food and no supplies requiring Baron Cadet to embarrassingly sell his naming rights for one year as a comical joke to the former Prince Gypsy. In respect of the large sum of money provided to Baron Cadet he will hence be referred to as Baroness Pancake. Sir VegHead the vicious knight came next with his small gang of misfits. Sir VegHead has joined the campaign for the first year after Baron Spence disappeared under mysterious circumstances. He has found it difficult to acquire land in order to warrant a higher ranking title. Finally the most noble hedge knight you’ve ever seen WALKED in last after an embarrassing week. Losing almost everything he owns Sir Hillbilly has struggled gambling away to the lowest of the low classes. One minor victory is overshadowed by some of the toughest losses. His fight has been strong but his challengers have fought stronger. Surly the king has been cruel allowing for possibly weaker houses (Earl Caddyshack) to enjoy more success. Those are the top 8 lords, ladies and knights leading into British Champions Day. Two houses humiliating left out of the entry parade were Viscount Puma and Sir Gypsy who were required to arrive 2 days early their entire hosts in motley for such embarrassingly pathetic losses the week before. After a night of feast and celebration for those 8 houses of honor, the day of competition begins with 5 contests held with two houses pitted against each other. Each contest is slightly different with number of champions and duration of challenge. Possible contests are 2 5v5 halves or 1 10v10 royale. It can be long or short and they are entirely unpredictable. Since I don’t have all day I’ll highlight each event and the most important champions. Landgrave Redface and Sir Hillbilly were drawn a 10 v 10 royale. It was a short contest with the result known soon after it began. The purebred Giant Odell Beckham was let free providing the fans a spectacular show. The 0-year old Elliot and powerful Bell continued to show success with their late finishing speed on turf. Sir Hillbilly was overpowered and overmatched. The champions chosen for today’s contest almost didn’t make it out alive. They were all literally trampled by their opponents with only Julio providing any hope for future success. This was an embarrassment requiring a humiliating early arrival next week. The other embarrassment for the week was a Viceroy Northside flexing his muscles against Baroness Pancake. An odd format, 2 different contests with a 4 v 7 and then 6 v 3. As the 4 Northside champions prepared in their stalls, their 7 challengers appeared confident. As the contest began all champions charged towards their final goal. Brees and Johnson were neck and neck vying for top honors. Stafford and Stewart had respectable showing doing their best to avoid embarrassment. Brown pulled up early to avoid contact in the center. Eventually Hilton, Nelson, Brown, Hauschka causally picked up the pieces after the hard work was done. They strode to what was another embarrassment which was almost avoided. Now Earl Caddyshack and his house are the biggest question marks in England and the Duchess always prepared. Back to the Earl, no one knows how/why he still has land and power. He shows up (sometimes) with his band of misfits and half the time comes out ahead. He was once drunk on the golfcourse, didn’t show up to the event and only fielded 10 champions and WON! He’s definitely one of those shady characters who might be fixing events or doing some illegal activities to keep his land/status. Now looking at the days challenge it’s surprising that Earl Caddyshack avoided embarrassment. Not sure what happened if darkhorse West saved the day or if the Duchess was sympathetic in sparing the Earl. I’m calling mischief. Causing extreme trouble would have been too obvious but it was THAT bad of performance where any he must have saved himself somehow. The Duchess’s champions were strong with Shady and Luck riding side by side. They charged down Smith and Hyde who were off to an early lead. The Duchess remains strong and well-fortified for the weeks to come. Viscount Puma and Sir VegHead’s contest was a muddy mess. Most would’ve called it slop and the champions suffered. Reshad Jones was almost put of his misery after injuring a limb. The brown 4-year old Pryor showed good positioning and body control even with the 9 ½ hand frame. Flashes of brilliance from Michael “won from a claiming event” and consistent speed rounding out the field lead to an average victory. The VegHeads are looking for anything to save a terrible first half but Newton eased up and no other champions appear to be front runners. The middle distance was too hard to cover and no one was able to travel 1 furlong. It will be another lean week for Sir VegHead. The final race of the day featured the Earl Trolljegeren and Sir Gypsy. Sir Gypsy was fallen hard since obtaining Prince last season for a brilliant year. Times are now tough as Prince Gypsy had his heart stolen by Princess Peach and long with it his land and honor. All year Sir Gypsy has fallen from Prince, to Duke to Earl to Knight after betting week after week on lofty exotic bets. The champions take their places one by one in the stalls. This is a sprint so we’ll know the end very soon. Sir Gypsy holds on to his box of trifecta bets. All bets have Lamar Miller for Win with every possible combination setting up Place and Show. Earl Trolljegeren took a conservative route max betting show bets for Brady, Gurly, Anderson and Marshall. He needed to win all three but only caught 1. The odds on favorite Brady took second which was almost tripling his money on that single horse. The other 3 started fast and faded quickly none showed the finishing speed to match Jeffery and Hopkins. Millar took first and Jeffery and Hopkins finished next for Place and Show. He hit his trifecta but it was in the order published this morning. A modest prize will be won but not enough to double his wager. The Earls conservatism allowed him to lose little in the fight. For either to move up bigger gambles will need to be taken. Was that that last race or wait contest confusing? Maybe but maybe not. The “sport of kings” is horse racing so I tried to sprinkle in as many horse terms as possible. Now let’s get back to the story. With the weekly races over let’s check the odds for the year-end championship. Duchess Mullynation (1/1): at 5-1 the Duchess remains strong with her stampede of triple crown quality horses. With newly acquired jockeys Charles and Evans I do not see her slowing down. With RB trouble a short term concern a 1 and 1 week 7 and 8 could happen but won’t result in much concern Viceroy Northside (3/2): David Johnson on his massive black stallion will always be the single favorite. Ware continues to show a late kick on good finishing speed but Charles scares me. Only concern is can this consistency across the board continue Landgrave RedFace (3/1): After acquiring some proven winners injury issues will require him to run some untested maidens. Look to see if these newcomers can run with the big boys (and phillys) Earl Trolljegeren (5/1): The purebred Brady will surely add constancy for top times and fast races. Not sure who invited the ram to the horse races but he looks slow and below par. Jones, Marshall and Cooper should normally have a few furlongs between the three of them each week Viscount Puma (5/1): after recovering well from embarrassment the jockeys should be in good form leading into week 7. Quick starts are needed but more importantly are even runs. You don’t need to Win to get paid. Getting Places and Shows each week will keep the Viscount above 50% and safely in triple crown contention Baroness Pancake (7/1): with one triple crown winner Brown enjoying a strong season other jockeys need to help the Baron(ess) win some exotics. With a team like this an exotic is one of the only ways he’s going to win. 100 $1 trifectas should be bought and hopefully you catch a winner that pays out big. Johnson, Gore, Matthew. Earl Caddyshack (10/1): can’t use your tricks to cheat a win every week. Somehow the Earl has drawn injury ridden RedFace this week. If it’s a sprint he’ll have a chance. Sounds like he’ll be better Daily Doubles with West and Jones strong week 6 runs. Not sure why he’s starting a Bronco and having Sanders ride bareback… Sir Hillbilly (10/1): again… not sure why he’s starting a bronco on bareback. This is horse racing people! He’s got a win-place bet on Kendricks/MIN DST. That could pay out big if it hits. Baron Gypsy (12/1): the newly named Baron won enough last week to promote himself to Baron. That could very well disappear next with his go big or go home attitude. Wilson Freeman Jeffrey are some expensive bets that have proven to win big or lose big Sir VegHead (15/1): has won some claims last week to improve the middle distant races. He’s preparing for slop and tough weather. He might have the horses but can he choose the right riders. Howard, Ajayi, Blount, Forte, Hill have all shown they can cover a quarter of a quarter-mile. Next week at Doncaster: Duchess Mullynation (1/10) v Sir VegHead (7/1) Landgrave Redface (1/1) v Earl Caddyshack (2/1) Baron Gypsy (3/2) v Sir Hillbilly (2/3) Baroness Pancake (3/1) v Viscount Puma (1/4) Viceroy Northside (1/3) v Earl Trolljegeren (2/1) Appreciate all the views and reads. Cheers! Well, what a week. 2 teams beaten by 50+ points. That means 2 teams renamed. 1 team was even beaten by twice their own score. Mad points were scored this week with the sole exception of the Veg-Heads who put their trust in the rookie Lynch (who just squeeked in under 50 by 0.8 points). No other team scored below 90 points. Anyways, to some fun trivia. Can you tell me what fantasy player is ranked number 6 overall? They average 19.6 PPG and only have one game below 10 points so far. They currently outscore Julio Jones, Antonio Brown, Ezekiel Elliot, and many other fantasy studs. The only non-QBs who outscore this mystery fantasy player are Demarco Murray and David Johnson (heyo!). Do you know who? Because I bet you weren’t thinking it was the Vikings D/ST. That’s right. The 6th best fantasy “player” is a team defense. The Vikings have been dominant this year so far. Shutting down top WRs, smacking QBs around, and racking up a monstrous turnover differential. It’s nuts. They are a full 5.3 PPG better than the #1 defense last year (Denver Broncos). And they were picked up off the waiver wire! That’s right. Undrafted. And yeah, I know you might say a lot of defenses often go undrafted, but let’s take a look at who was drafted anyways. Now, you can take a look at that and see it’s kind of crapshoot. But quite a few good moves were made to pick up the Broncos, Cardinals, Seahawks, and Texans. But even though most of us are Vikings fans none of us went with the homer pick of the Vikings D until Evan moved just before the season. And even he has benched them a couple of those weeks (much to my thanks). That move, if it carries though, has the potential to be one of the best moves of the season (oddly enough the pick up of Matt Ryan also by the Hillbillies is looking brilliant). Because Evan spent zero dollars on the sixth best fantasy scorer. Murray was $17, Brees was $15, Carr was $1, and David Johnson ($6 – keeper). Whew. How bout that Vikings defense! Wrap UpNorthside Angels (124.1) vs. 90° Putters (95.8) The fantasy black hole that is the Putters has been defeated in Week 5. The team with the lowest PA (368.7) faced the second highest PF team of the Red Zone. And as any good head coach knows, the team who scores more points by the end of the match-up wins. Northside Angels started out strong with a monstrous showing by his stud David Johnson. 30 hard-earned points that could have been even more if Arians pulled his head out of his ass and ran the ball more often. The Angels followed up this monstrous outing with a fairly pedestrian week. Hilton put up mad points to help out the team but after that it was pretty average. Jordy showed he still is on an anemic Packers offense and both Crowell and McKinnon had poor weeks. The lack of depth at RB could very well be the undoing of the Angels. But Gronk was back. He put up a respectable 13.4. Hopefully he gets some more red zone looks because Bennet had 30 goddamn points that could have gone to Gronk! The Putters also had a pretty good night on Thursday. Hyde is showing that he is a solid RB1 with his 20.4 points. Dalton also had a decent day on Sunday with 22.2. But after that the Putters seemed to suffer the quasi-black hold that the Angels exhibit against their opponents. Only Barnidge scored more than 10 points of the remaining starters. The worst play was Fuller over Cobb. How anyone can start WRs against the Minnesota Vikings defense boggles my mind. The Mullynation (144.5) vs. Boy Toyz 3: Muddy and Free (92.9) Mullynation had another monstrous game this week. It truly appears the curse is broken. And the Boy Toyz 3 felt the full wrath of the ‘Nation. Mullynation had respectable games from every player this week besides her WRs. Landry and the bye week replacement of Woods scored less than 5 points each. But no worries! Because Adam Freakin’ Vinatieri decided to put the team on his back with a giant 23 points. What a beast. This was helped by the Cardinal amazing 23.5 points this week. That is $1 well spent. The pickup of Jordan Howard has the potential to be pretty amazing for the future. The Boy Toyz are really missing the work of Bell this week especially with Pryor and Gordon putting up an equal number of points scored. Should a stuck with the Bell! The only real bright spot for Boy Toyz this week was a respectable 24.4 points by Phillip Rivers. But that is not gonna cut it when Gordon and Hunter Henry are the only ones scoring above 10 points. Hopefully your Seattle players coming off bye week help out! Indian Outlaws (183.9) vs. Princess Peach-O’s (91.5) The Outlaws truly appear to be back. And they made a statement to start their Steelers Age. They fucking doubled the Princess Peach-O’s score. What a massacre. And the Peach-O’s scored 91.5 points. So it wasn’t like they shat the bed. The Outlaws just dominated across the board. The Outlaws had 2 players score less than 10 points. One of them was the proverbial DP player so that’s fine. The only real “bad” play was putting in Brate instead of sticking with Bennet for TE. Brate only scored 4.3 points. But who freaking cares when the lowest scorer other than Ogletree was Mason Crosby at 12 points. ODB was at 14.1. The Bills D/ST was at 19.9 and was tied with Bell. And up and up and up to Elliot with 30.6 points. The Outlaws had more players score above 20 points than they had players score below 10. Throw in the close to 20 pointers and that is 6 players at 19 points or more to 4 players below 15 points. Just a monstrous week. The Peach-O’s just picked a really bad week to play the Outlaws and an especially bad week to bet on the mouth cereal bowl (can’t wait to see the video!). Overall a respectable week with a neat 91.5 points. Lamar Miller again shows that one shouldn’t start fantasy players against the Vikings (Hopkins only did ok because of the garbage time TD). He once again forgot to start the Fitzmagic! Trust in him, Gentry! Believe!! Suzy’s Pancakes (120.4) vs. Vicious Veg-Heads (71.2) The Veg-Heads did it! They squeaked under the 50 point loss! Wooh! Bless the work of Mike Evans! The disturbingly gooey Suzy’s Pancakes had a great weak put up by their players. Nothing spectacular but more than enough to beat the crap game the Veg Heads put up. Riddick has shown that he is the passing back to own in Detroit but who knows what will happen if Forsett ends up there. Greg Olsen threw up 22.6 points in a great showing in an embarrassing loss to the Bucs. All in all, the Pancakes weathered a storm with 3 of their players out for injuries and and another on bye. The Veg-Heads though. Dan! The informative text was heart felt. I really was rooting for your pick. But man o man. Nothing really went well for you. Lynch only put of 8.7 points, Forte only 7, and many other single digit starts. Even a bad negative score from the Texans D/ST (once again showing you shouldn’t start players versus the Vikings!). Benjamin and Evans put up respectable numbers but nothing enough to drag a cratering team to anything close to a victory. Troll Hunters (142.8) vs. Big City Hillbillies (114.3) The Hunters showed the Hillbillies who were the kings of the non-cityscapes. Tom Brady was back with a vengeance and just demolished the Browns. Long live the king. The Hunters wheeled and dealed to get the rampaging Tom Brady on their team. And it showed. 29.6 points is a good day for anyone. Combine that with 24.8 points from Amari Cooper and 21.4 points from Marshall and really only the Wheelers are going to be able to beat you. Nothing really to say here. Maybe hope that Eddie Lacy becomes viable in the future? But who knows with these Packers. The Hillbillies put up a valiant effort but once again left a ton of points on the bench. 83.8 points in total. Both Payne and Coleman put up 20+ points. Now, how much that would have helped him I don’t know. But I think it was fair to bench those players. Who knew the sickle-cell anemia wouldn’t affect Coleman? Literally no one. And that Panthers backfield is a mess. Just a tough break for the Hillbillies. I’m sure they will bounce back next week. Power Rankings1. The Mullynation (4-1) (-) The Mullynation continues to buck her previous curse and throws up another big game. Her team is looking solid overall and ensures their current standing in the rankings at the top. 2. Indian Outlaws (3-2) (+1) People keep trading the Outlaws good players for some reason, which justifies my belief that the only time to trade the Outlaws anyone should be when they are eliminated from the playoffs. The massive bomb the Outlaws just dropped on the league is something to be scared of. We’ll see if he can keep it up, but I weep for us if it continues. 3. Northside Angels (3-2) (-1) The Angels had another good week and continue their pretty high PF and low PA. This tenuous position near the top can change in an instant as the depth isn’t all that great. But Gronk is back and that makes it all ok! 4. Troll Hunters (3-2) (+1) The big scores helped buoy his weak standing from before. He needs to keep it consistent to justify the top 10 placement though. 5. Suzy’s Pancakes (3-2) (+2) A decent week shows the Pancakes are alive and well. The only downside to this week is that they went up against a pretty low scoring opponent. The RB situation still isn’t that great so it keeps them down in the middle. 6. 90° Putters (3-2) (+2) The practice of depending on your opponent having low scores only works when that happens. And this week shows it’s a bad strategy. Especially for next week. We will see if the black hole works against a resurgent Mullynation. 7. Boy Toyz 3: Muddy and Free (3-2) (+2) A valiant effort by the Tree Cats was not enough against the Mullynation. The moving up was more due to others moving down. Gonna need better scores to move up any more. From the dregs. 8. Big City Hillbillies (1-4) (-4) Falling mainly due to the record which is starting to count more and more. You put up good points but seem to be experiencing the Mullynation effect this year. This team will be one that fluctuates a lot. 9. Princess Peach-O’s (1-4) (-3) The drubbing you just received is the stuff of legend. You got doubled up son! The RBs and flex aren’t really doing the consistent thing but it’s mainly the record that drops you down this far. 10. Vicious Veg-Heads (1-4) (-) It just wasn’t your weak my man. Bad showing all around from a pretty weak lineup. Hopefully with Charles finally back and in full action will help stabilize things around a still pretty decent WR corp. Week 6 PredictionsNorthside Angels vs Suzy’s Pancakes
The Angels will secure a victory based around his WRs and Gronkowski. The Pancakes will see everyone not named Brown and Olsen have bad games against surprisingly good defenses. Troll Hunters vs. Princess Peach-O’s I see the Peach-O’s rising from the flames of their double drubbing and throwing up points on the Troll Hunters. Having his Houston players facing the Colts makes this just a too good matchup that will override some down play by Freeman. 90° Putters vs. The Mullynation The Black Hole Putters will feel the full wrath of the points juggernaut Mullynation this week. I foresee a 50-point game. Indian Outlaws vs. Big City Hillbillies The Outlaws will drop another big game on the Hillbillies, continuing that awful trend for the loveable country folk in the big city. I do expect a big game from Rodgers and DeMarco though. Boy Toyz 3: Muddy and Free vs. Vicious Veg-Heads In the hereby newly dubbed Points Bowl, we will see these two teams fight for the badge of worst scoring team in the league. The Veg-Heads will come out victorious on the backs of their Texans D that will eat Andrew Luck alive. It was a busy week at work this week so i wasn't able to be too creative this time. I'll find some new interns to boast the creativity in the coming weeks but I also have some ideas cooking up too for later in the year. But for now, let's just jump right into it. Weekly RecapBig City Hillbillies 145 over River Gypsies 107 This is the game that we all wanted to talk about… RGs had a legit chance of knocking down the Matt Ryan and JULIO!! You take back that trade: BCH - Backs out diggs and starts Hopkins and Yeldon puts him at around 128.7. If RGs moves Larry Fitz to WR2 and Murray to Flex (I'm pretty sure he loses by a point). He plays Steve Smith and wins, hands down. Honestly, this was the major F*** up trade this week. We had Veg Heads lose out week 3 based on their Trade and we have a potential win for RGs this week if he played his cards right. So who will be the biggest loser next week, is it going to be 90* but probably not with his magic. If I was a betting man, I would say TCTC with his Le'Veon trade for Gordon and Michaels. He also broke the Mullynation curse last week with his most recent comments about the curse being lifted… so I will be betting on Mullynation this next week hands down. Teaser: we are going bold predictions this week in the match-ups but because of this reason TCTC doesn't earn himself a bold pick. Enough about other stuff, this get back to this match-up. Julio and Matt Ryan killed it… and BCH stole the win right off his finger. So I am actually bored with this match-up so let's talk about the trade. 9 times out of 10 I probably would've traded Julio instead of Hopkins… I mean these next 2 match-ups along with week 4 (including around the playoffs) are tough. But Julio sure proved me wrong. Great play on your part, great play. I don't doubt Hopkins will pick up his output in the middle of this year, but it sure won't be next week against MN!! I am getting more nervous about this RB situation for RG, but with Tevin Colemon possibly unable to play in Denver due to the altitude, you should have two strong RBs this week (except you are challenged by 2 even stronger ones.). We'll keep track of this trade in coming weeks so don't you worry!! We'll constantly remind you that being the CHAMP (in 2015) doesn't mean anything and you could go 1-4 after 1/3 the season… But please, prove us wrong!! Or you know what… don't because it's more fun heckling the 2015 champion being near the bottom and is better for our ratings!! 90* Putters (100) over Troll Hunters 96 The worst part about losing to my Brother (90* Putters for those readers not familiar with our league) is not that fact that he beat me without starting a RB2 but that fact that he didn't man up to his own brother and play fair and square. Once again, you see 90* Putters resort to his dirty tricks causing me to put up my lowest score of the year and taunting me by only beating me by 3ish points. As my Rival and my brother, I expected better from you… You surely have mastered your skill earning you the lowest Points Against at around 370 or 20+ points from NSA who is also being given a free ride at around 390 points against. Needless to say this is the story book again this week. Overall, TH didn't have a horrible week but it's the same old story with poor QB and DST pick-ups that would've won the game. This combined to 12 points against 90* 26 from Bortles (first time TH has had a better DST then his opponent). Marvin Jones settled down after a 3 great starts, but overall it his top 4 RB/WR were double digits (rounding up) which is never a bad situation to be in. Strong performances from Bortles, Hyde, and Sanders provided a win but it was more of a game that TH had to lose. After 90* added sorcery to his RB2 spot this week we all knew it was over for TH. Best of luck NSA next week, may your holy angels cleanse the heart of your enemy to stop with his dirty tricks. Sorry for the short notice though, the curse might already be placed on David Johnson tonight. You better run to the SF and give DJ a water bottle with Holy Water, if not better luck next week because this is a fight you won't be able to win. Indian Outlaws (112) over Suzy’s Pancakes 109 Indian outlaws might look at this match-up and say “if only I had started Big Ben I would’ve smoke Suzy’s Pancakes” But my challenge to that is really? After he got 5 points the previous week and you picked up Stafford who has been pretty much on fire… doubt that. There is no question going forward you will not start Big Ben (unless there is an injury or what not). However, week 4, nah there is no chance. As well as no why you would’ve started Dorsett over Beckham, Cooks, or Christine… so you earned your 112 and it was top 5. BUUUUUUUUUT once again Suzy’s Pancakes lost this match up. Suzy’s P, did you really start a DST against the vikes??? I understand that our offense is okay but our defense is unstoppable which will give our offense a lot more chances to move the ball against other teams the Giants would face. All you need was a DST to earn you 3 points… 3 points and you would’ve won this game. You are almost as bad as TH picking DST this week. You could’ve take revenge on the family that Suzy now loathes… Not that they didn’t try, Brown and Olsen were consistent as ever and the injury to Palmer didn’t help. But IOS wide outs gave you a gift? His average RB (all 3) was 20 pts… and you could’ve easily beat him. Maybe next time Suz but I don’t think a chance like this will come back again. IOS did have great output from his RBs and his WRs should produce. Even though you should have lost due to Suzy’s DST choice you will move up in the power rankings and you earned it. I don’t expect this WR core to stay quiet long and Big Ben should be hot most weeks. So you dodge a bullet this week but a win nonetheless. Twin City Tree Cats 122 over Vicious Veg-Heads 85 This game was another one sided match-up with almost nothing going Veg-Heads way. I mean a solid performance from Kyle Rudolph is making himself a top 5 TE. You could also say that his DST did well compared to how most other teams DST performed. Other than that it was well below par… and not par in a good way. Forte hasn’t been able to reproduce his week 1-2 numbers and Hill couldn’t reproduce his week 3 numbers. Not too surprising but still it would be a little tough to be hopeful when you are trying to build your team back up and your supposed cornerstone is still injured. Cam did okay but did get a concussion which could definitely have a lasting impact if he is out a few weeks. Like I said, nothing was/is going well for the Veg-Heads right now. On the other hand, TC2 had almost everything go right. First week with Le’Veon and he shows up big along with a strong performance from his WRs. Poor performance from Gostkowski which was kinda a non-factor. One real concern is Latavius Murray who continues to be losing touches week by week. So the one big upside with his trade with IOS is that he should have gained another starting RB with Christine Michaels… but was it worth the RB1 overall. Only if Michaels remains a RB1 and Rawls doesn’t come back strong. If so, you just down graded your RB for nothing to a offense that is not very good. This is another situation that we will have to wait and see. For now it looks good on paper for TC2 as he gained two starting RBs for one. No complaints from me if that is the case. Overall, another one-sided match this week. The Mullynation (116) over Northside Angels (114) NSA, you were so close to continuing the curse of Mullynation… so so close. If KC would’ve just pounded it in with Ware on their last attempt you would be holding the BELT and be sitting pretty at 3-1… but nah, KC was like we want to give TH hope he can survive his brother magic. Overall, this game wasn’t won by Mullynation or lost by NSA, it was TC2 who broke the curse and unleashed Mullynation on all of us. As usual, she has the most points score in her favor and her only loss was by like 1 point in week 1. She is ready to play and not going to hold back anymore. She is like “What Curse?” My RB depth is now stacked with Jordan Howard and Ingram did work (even if Kuhn, who?, stole all his TDs). She can confidently say that her 116 was a “off week” and she is happy to have a win. Many teams can and have said that but not many teams can back it up like she can. NSA had a tough 1 point from DeSean Jackson but they were playing Cleveland this past week. So I wouldn’t blame myself for that choice one bit. It just wasn't in your cards to steal the BELT away this week. Mullynation has her hand grasped tightly around the BELT and she isn’t planning on letting go anytime soon. I still have plenty of concerns with Luck not getting hurt and Fleener ever seeing a TD again but outside of that she has a pretty solid team (that is producing) compared to the rest of the teams trying to catch up. NSA needs Gronk to come back now that Brady is back in business. NSA really did have a off week too and this was probably the best match-up of the week. It was a good fight that was fated to side with Mully after TC2 released her curse. Not to say it won’t come back but for now these two teams seem to be set up the best for success (at least for this week). Week 5 Power RankingsSince everyone knows each others team (except for all these trades the past three weeks) so enough about discussing each position on each team, we’ll talk about why they increase or decreased to make it less repetitive. 1. The Mullynation: 3-1 (-) Her top players produced along with additional bench support showed they could play. She is 3-1 and has the most points for in the league through the first 4 game. No major injuries or lack of performance overall from her players. Easy pick in my book. 2. NorthSide Angels: 2-1 (+1) Solid performance with his top WR on the bench. Has the 2nd best points for in the league even though he is 2-2. Might have a little problem in RB depth in the future but Ware and Crowell playing well and without Gronk. You deserve to be number 2 this week. You have earned this honor. 3. Indian Outlaws: 2-2 (+2) Moves up in the world even though he has the lowest points for in the league. Like I said you are lucky to be 2-2 right now because it could be a lot worse and 0-4 pretty easily. However, solid trade for Le’Veon with the only concern being a consistent flex play? Also what if one of your WR never begin to produce? You have to wait for Rawls, Martin, and now Dwayne Washington. You are a top 3 team even with the lowest point in the first 4 weeks. Let’s see how long you can stay in the top tier. 4. Big City Hillbillies: 1-3 (+6) Hillbillies drastically moves up the rankings with a huge week 4 performance and finally a RB1 he can rely on. There are always injury concerns with Murray but for now his WR will attempt keep this team afloat. This might have been a little bullish but I feel like these WR will produce even if Julio is hanging out in Den and Sea the next two weeks. I think BCH has finally turned a corner but he’s on thin ice. He can easily pull a 180 back down this list. 5. Troll Hunters: 2-2 (-3) No consistency from his top guys, he has a full time with tons of talent but if his team can’t produce, then he doesn’t deserve to be a top tier team. Brady will help with the QB situation but without CJ or Gurly putting up 15 it’s a struggle to win each week. 6. River Gypsies: 1-3 (-2) Still nervous about these RBs (Miller really breaking out and Freeman with these match-ups). As well as Alshon being Alshon and Hopkins playing the shut down DST MIN!! Tough loss with Murray and crabtree but we’ll see if Hopkins can turn things around. 7. Suzy’s Pancakes 2-2 (-) Still really nervous about this RB. Gore is a RB2 but not a true RB1 and Riddick has been serviceable but unsure if he’ll lose out a lot with Dwayne taking over the running game in a week or two. He has performed admirably for the time being but he can only hope for another game like week 1. Brown and Olsen are the only things keep this squad from the bottom tier (as for now) 8. 90* Putters: 3-1 (-) Hyde is actually doing more then just his week 1 performance in 2015. With 3 RBs that actually have starting roles (even though they are on pretty bad offenses) at least they are wholly owning their position. If 90* can put up 125 points will move you up to at least 7th next week. I promise. 9. Twin City Tree Cats: 3-1 (-3) You beat Mullynation this week and you will move to a top 4 spot as 4-1. Gordon will be good but I don’t see him as 100 insta 15+ points every week. That is what you are missing with Bell. He is basically a full RB1 and Flex by himself. With Michael on a bye you stay near the bottom even at 3-1. 90* does have two (and a third) starting (not committee) RBs this week which is why he is number 8. Also, his 100 pts last week is really what it seems because of not starting a RB2. Wish I could move you up this week but you earned this when you broke the mully curse. However, I’m really cheering for you to re-establish the Mullynation curse and help the league out with this. If you can we will reward you 10 fold. 10. Vicious Veg-Heads: 1-3 (-1) Honestly, your team is better than 1-3 if Newton gets healthy and Jamaal turns back into the RB he use to be. He could be in the middle of the pack, but he will have to rely on Jeremy Hill and hope for goal line touches and scores to make up for lost points that Gio always takes. Hopefully, your players can turn things around for you. Week 5 BOLD PredictionsTroll Hunters over Big City Hillbillies (Cooper will outscore Crabtree – all you haters saying Crabtree is better now even has the ESPN analysts thinking so. He’ll change their minds this week don’t you worry.
River Gypsies over Indian Outlaws (Hopkins will outscore Beckham – Beckham is playing GB but Hopkins is playing Min. Hopkins time to shine, just a little though since they are playing the home town team the Vikes) 90* Putters over Northside Angels (Dalton “Red Rifle” over Carr – NSA will get “Boned by the Red Rifle” Quote from Mathew Berry – ESPN. Okay maybe not BOLD enough, so how about Fuller over Jordy? That bold enough for you, 90* has magic on his side, nothing is impossible for him. Vicious Veg-Heads over Suzy’s Pancakes (Going really BOLD and say Evans over Brown – brown isn’t unstoppable every week… and this will be his poor week) Mullynation over Twin City Tree Cats (Howard over Gordon – wait Mullynation isn’t a underdog…? Actually, we aren’t sure she has broken the curse so to go against her would be the easy choice. Going long and saying Howard outscore Gordon, now that’s bold for you. Hey Everyone, Your Editor in Chief is back this week but we had some printing delays causing our latest issue of the weekly recap to be late. I blame the newest of interns who hasn’t learned how to work the copier yet. This is a different intern then our star pupil who stepped up to the perilous challenge of attempting to rank teams after week 2. There were a few mistakes but he earned a week off. Hopefully, you all enjoyed his post because you will see him again. If not, well sorry, then maybe skip reading that week. We still like your views so at least open the website. We don’t work for free so we need all the views we can get. By we I mean the CEO and myself. The interns definitely work for free. We have a few trades that really didn’t have an impact on 3 of the 4 teams involve. However, we can analysis them in more depth later this year except for the one fail this past week, which I will discuss in detail below. So don’t you worry. **Also we have another trade with Indian Outlaws and Podunk City Slickers. We’ll have to see how this pans out for Podunk in the near future but the real impact will come to light later this year. So more to come, don’t you worry. Okay, before it gets any later, lets get started on this recap!! Week 3 RecapRiver Gypsies over Troll Hunters This matchup was one by two players and two players only. The real kicker is that it was the kicker (Tucker), DP, and the Seahawks DST. Get it, the real kicker and it was the kicker (this is why I’m the boss). I mean you can say Murray was similar to Gurely and Freeman was similar to Marvin… Other than that the wild card players earned RGs a well-deserved win. He consistently put up above 100 points so going 0-3 with that would be tough to swallow. Who I really want to talk about was Marvin Jones and Devonta Freeman. Marvin Jones is a legit WR and in the right offense to produce high fantasy value. Without a running game, Stafford is having fun in Det and Marvin Jones is replacing Megatron on Troll Hunters line-up. Impressive show these first 3 weeks and I would be surprise if it didn’t continue. WR 1 in a throwing offense, can’t get any better than that. Now Freeman finally produced, yeah!!! But this guy continues to scare me. He was playing a generous DST but going forward can he repeat. RGs will sure hope so. RGs had a average performance from his remaining squad while THs had sub par. We’ll see if this continues but putting up 140 points is tough to beat. So congrats to RGs this week. Indian Outlaws over Vicious Veg-Heads This was a similar situation as noted above. Jeremy Hill and Zek, Mike Evans and Christine Michael and Gordon/Beckham and Jordy… oh wait he traded him. Ouch, that would’ve been a 20 point swing if VV would’ve started Jordy instead of trading him for an injured RB… If that was the case, we would be making fun of IOS for trading Eli and Lacy and having confidence in Cooks only putting up 3 points when Breezy was on fire with 26… That would’ve been a cause for concern indeed. But with IOS finally putting up the courage to start Melvin Gordon, he earned his first win (even though it was kinda a gift from VV). Let’s see you earn a game like your Wife and maybe we’ll give you some Fantasy Football creditability this year. Michael was impress the first 5 minutes of the game but kinda slowed down later on. 24 points though is nothing to complain about so this was a much needed we for IOS. I think you didn’t really earn it though because you could’ve easily lost if Jordy was in the mix. However, a win is a win and its always good to avoid being 0-3. 90* Putters over Twin City Tree Cats First thing first, did 90* putters play a team with their lowest scoring of the year… “Yes”,. Nuff said, next game!! No 90* did put up the 5th best points I believe so he did kinda earn it this week. But this was earned but Baldwin, which is expected but Hyde was a surprise. In 2015, Hyde only had 1 game over 20 points was week 1, similar to this year. However, he actually had another one when 90* Putters needed him most. If he simply stays Fantasy relevant around top 15 in RBs I would be happy if I was 90* Putters. Sanders and Shepard on the bench did outperform his WR2 which is promising but he needs big weeks like this and his typically voo doo magic to stay above or around 500. On the other hand, TC2 was consistently bad, especially Kelvin. Then again they were at the Bank and we had their Benjamin’s number!! Honestly, going 2-1 without Le’veon is a win in its own right. Now that you have him back at least you have a consistent RB1. I would assume his scores increase by a decent margin starting week 4 and on. Overall, the standard 90* story winning with his opponents poor performance. NorthSide Angels over Podunk City Slickers (newly named) NSA had almost everything go right outside of Gronk getting zero and Ware at 6. So like NSA had 120 points, 130, 140 or even 150… Nah I’ll pass on my TE position and still get 155 points. This team was hot and didn’t want to slow down. If only he had a TE, he could’ve challenged Mullynation to the top score of the week. He had a good “Steal” of Jordy Nelson but it really wasn’t needed. Even if Spencer Ware wasn’t a starter, this team was ready to play and dominated a 0-2 team. This is like rubbing salt in the wound. A top tier team in the pre-season rankings is sitting solo at 0-3. The only thing that is going well for Podunk Slickers is the QB and Min DST (who were rocking the bench). Honestly, against Carolina I wasn’t surprised with this play but we sure love hating on these slickers for this call. At least he had the Dolphins average DST compared to the horrendous Pittsburg Steelers on their lunch break. Some hopefully production from the bench but honestly was no match for the NorthSide Holy Angels in week 3. The Mullynation over D-Rock, Suzy’s Jock (newly named) – TITLE FIGHT Honestly, this is the same story as above. One team was hot and one team was not. Except this “hot” team was a volcano and the other has since fallen out of favor with Suzy. She may have used up all her magic against the Sorcerer (90* Putters) but she definitely took the week off if that was the case. Her two champion system as ended with DeAngelo only pulling together a below average 6 points. Sir Brown performed admirably but Palmer performance was inexcusable. Negative points from a QB who started the entire game, unheard of and very humorous indeed. It’s not like they would beat Mullynation anyway so the point is moot. We got some funny names this week and were fairly boring when looking at each game individually. Good work, Mullynation on putting up 177 points for the top score to beat. Let’s see if anyone can beat that in the up coming weeks!! Week 4 Power Rankings1. The Mullynation: 2-1 (+6) Everyone on Mullynations team performed this week and the weaknesses we talked about last week are all in the past. Ingram, Robinson and Fleener all decided the show up for the first time this year. As such, she put up some monster points this past week. Her worst performer outside of DP and kicker was Andrew Luck… no surprise there but 13 points wasn’t that bad for QBs week 3… At least he isn’t as bad as Palmer or Big Ben this past week (as noted above). She only has one loss and it was by less than 1 point. We can knock her for that. She could easily lose this spot though with any lackluster performance from her top guys again. Overall, she has solid RB depth unlike most teams and her week 3 performance shows she is a top tier team. 2. The Troll Hunters: 2-1 (-1) Once again Troll Hunters biggest weakness is his DST and I guess DP which earned him -4 points last week… that’d be a huge swing in ending points if he was just below average (not the worst). He owns 3 RB1s or high RB2 who need to be more consistent but have shown each one can be a top RB each week. He also has 3 WR1/2 to cover injuries/bye weeks/poor performance. Outside of the emergence of Marvin Jones, he also needs a little more consistency in WR performance on a weekly basis. With this type of depth and possibly performance, one loss isn’t enough to knock him out of the top tier. Still has depth in RB even behind his top 3 with Ivory and Matt Jones. Some teams below would gladly accept these guys as starter out of simple desperation due to RB injuries. QB is an issue but based on the performances last week, it’s still a wild card accept for a select few. However, another bad week, against his rival at that, and he definitely will fall plenty of spots. 3. NorthSide Angels: 2-1 (+3) Only reason why I think NSA is above RGs is that, in Kansas City, it is still the Spencer Ware show. With David Johnson and Drew Breezy consistently producing the pas three weeks top performances and hopefully Gronk looking to be back this week. This edges out RG on top of RGs having a few difficult player match ups this and in coming weeks. I mean he has decent depth at RB with Crowell, McKinnon, and Dixon (in a few weeks) his RB2/flex situation for now at least. However, it is still too early to tell if this team can make a playoff run. This RB2 and flex spot could get a little dicey later in the season. With the addition of Jordy last week, he has a lock for WR1 and WR2 most weeks. If he can hold it together most weeks, I can see this team staying comfortably above average and earn a spot in the playoffs. 4. River Gypsies: 1-2 (-) Congrats to RGs for getting his first win!! We were all hoping you would say 0 and whatever for a while but your team finally pulled it all together. However, did you waste all your big plays this past week? I see consist play from two players, Murray and Fitz. Now I still only trusy Fitz staying top 10. I’m still riding the Derrick Henry train, its just going to take a little longer than I thought (and maybe an injury would help… I wouldn’t be surprised if he was next). With Russel and Dez hurt this doesn’t help me move you up the ladder against NSA. Also I am not confident in Atlanta going forward. They have some tough matchups these next few weeks, and this doesn’t help my confidence in RGs depth in weeks to come. We found out he can put up above average points to beat a team. Just do it again and again and maybe we can move you up the list. Indian Outlaws is also showing he can produce so you are going to have to beat him if you want to move up this list. If not, I wouldn’t be surprised if IOS leap frogs you next week. Just have a repeat performance like last week and you’ll be just fine. However, that is a little easier said then done, am I right? 5. Indian Outlaws: 1-2 (+4) Only your wife deserved to jump up 5+ spots. Having close to the bottom (if not the worst) score in our league the first two weeks, you haven’t earned the right to move up above RGs or better. Like I noted for him though, you put him in his place, points wise, as well as the rest of the league you will move back up to the top teams in no time. However, don’t forget what it feels like to be at the bottom because you show us another sub 100 point game (excluding that DST/DP crap) you will join the bottom feeders once again. Solid top 4 RB/WR with a solid wild card flex. Future depth looks better than current depth with Doug Martin trade. However, will he be ready to go in week 7? Hamstring issues are huge ??? especially at RB. If he comes back strong then that’s a win, if not it really wasn’t much of a loss. As mentioned for RGs, Atlanta has a tough schedule these upcoming weeks making him tough play over Christine Michael (even at his worst). This will be solid trade bait around the deadline to boast his team for the playoffs (if he can get and say above 500). More QB issues but a solid pick up over the waivers. You put up 120-130 points and me and my interns will consider moving you up a few ranks. 6. Twin City Tree Cats: 2-1 (+2) – Only reason why he moved up the ranking is that two players in his line-up got 0 points this week… except only one was suspended. On top of only putting up 83 points, should cause you fall right? Nah, not when you have Le’veon Bell coming off the bench!! Not to say this team is ready to join the elites… but Bell will have a huge impact on the point production for this team. And he needs it!! Latavius Murray has been losing touches each of his last 5 games… with only 40% of the work load last week. If this gets any smaller, he loses his RB2 pretty quick. WR1 and WR2 are solid if Kelvin can avoid the goose eggs. Honestly, I am uncertain about this team but it is only getting better with the addition of Bell who is a must start. He really has a wildcard pick for flex with Cruz, John Brown, and Cole Beasley (he’ll just have to guess each week who he thinks will be the best… not an ideal situation to be in but it could be worse I guess) 7. D-Rock, Suzy’s Jock: 2-1 (-5) (previously known as: Suzy’s Pancakes) Suzy’s Jock is now stuck with TC2 scraps and are they even fantasy relevant? Probably not, but we’ll see how his team shakes out. Antonio Brown, always a solid win each week and Olsen has been great this year as well. Soooooo now we get to the question marks and could make or break this team. Who else would have confidence in a QB who lost you points last week. Not like you had a chance against Mullynations showing off, but you had no good performance (outside of brown obviously). Can Theo hold the RB1 spot at Detroit or stay fantasy relevant. Maybe at Chicago but how about against everyone else? Edelman will turn it around but you still have to wait another week until Brady gets back. Terrell Pryor was a solid pick up but 1 week doesn’t make him a consistent option. It’s Cleveland and if you have faith in the Browns for Fantasy Football relevance than you are strong than us all. We’ll see if that works out in your favor. If not, we’ll see your stock fall just as far as last week to join the bottom feeders. I had faith in your squad but that was under Suzy. She has disowned you this past week and you were forced to submit to someone else’s banner. You are facing part two of the wheeler back to back matches. It’ll be tough to get the W but if you put up a solid score you can avoid dropping any further down this list for now at least. 8. 90* Putters: 2-1 (+2) What What, 90* putter is out of last place, oh wait his opponent put up one of the worst scores again. Surprise Surprise… But he actually put up a decent score this week. Hyde is his saving grace and good performance from his WR core. One of his top WR (Decker) could be seeing the bench with an injury these next few weeks… and with no RB depth any small setback could cause him to trade Cobb, Baldwin or Brady (who his been beggin to come back for 4 weeks). Maybe Brady will be a saving grace as well and if I were to bet on any QB it would probably be Brady. I am still extremely nervous about this RB situation and he can only hope for Foster to possibly come back from the grave to dominate like he once did. Highly unlikely, but we’ll have to weight and see. Forrest is somewhat serviceable but if Kenneth Dixon comes back strong he will be in a world of hurt. Knowing him though THs will see his worst week of the year and 90* will win with his voo doo magic once again. TH is just hoping there isn’t an injury along the way. 9. Vicious Veg-Heads: 1-2 (-4) I am nervous about this RB situation. This will turn around if Charles comes back and doesn’t lose reps from the top performing Ware… if we are back to where we are right now. Forte might have had two great weeks but has a few tough match ups these 3 weeks. Seattle, Pit, and Arizona ouch and one solid week out of Jeremy Hill doesn’t mean he will be a consistent RB2 with Gio stealing all the passes and what not. We’ll see if he can steal a lot of touches and scores against a favorable Mia DST. Will Sammy Wats be ready this week… and can Mike Evans produce at Denver, or Tamme and Carolina… he has some tough match ups and questionable consistency. You should’ve waited one more week to trade Jordy… you would’ve been 2-1 and IOS would be joining Podunk City Slickers at 0-3. You gave a gift to IOS, typically Veg Heads Franchise giving away players and wins like they are no big deal. Just like week one when you didn’t start Cammie Newton, another tough decision cost you a win this week. Ouch, hopefully this doesn’t continue to sting in weeks 5 and on… 10. Podunk City Slickers: 0-3 (-7) (previously known as: Big Cities Hillbillies) All I can say is ouch, 80 points this week… that has to hurt entering week four 0-3. However, you haven’t had much help outside of your QB Rodgers and the Minnie DST typically on your bench. Not that they would’ve helped you last week though… You did gain a “starting” RB with Tevin Coleman. You really needed to turn this around and this week you are going all in on Atlanta against a very angry Carolina Defense and Team… You are either going to survive this week or die this week at the hands of Carolina. Unsure if I like putting more faith in a team that is going to have 3 tough matches (as noted above) these next three weeks with Julio and Tevin for weeks 5-6 and adding Ryan week 4 as well. Gio is a acceptable flex or RB2 in our half PPR but not a RB1 to rely on. Hopkins is solid but julio’s matchups has me scared… he needs huge performances from Diggs and his WR core to be a match for most teams. Doug Martin was honestly holding him down and with a hamstring issue this will last 4 weeks minimum and if sims performance decent it might give him more rest time (which limits his upside). This does help the Podunk City Slickers in the immediate future but only marginally against these tough DSTs. Projected Picks (Week 4)Troll Hunters over 90* Putters
Indian Outlaws over D-Rock, Suzy’s Jock River Gypsies over Podunk City Slickers Vicious Veg-Heads over Twin City Tree Cats Mullynation Over NorthSide Angels – TITLE FIGHT Vikings win! Steelers win! Broncos win! That’s all of the fandoms right? So all in all a good week for non-fantasy football! That said… Seriously what the hell is with this year and this week of fantasy football in particular. We had approximately everyone’s starters/studs either die on the field or put up abysmal numbers. I’m going to start keeping track of who’s gone down injured who is also a starter. Let’s take a gander: Indian Outlaws Thomas Rawls (Leg) Big City Hillbillies Doug Martin (Hamstring) Twin City Tree Cats Danny Woodhead (ACL tear. Done for season) Vicious Veg-Heads Ameer Abdullah (Foot) Suzy’s Pancakes Jonathan Stewart (Hamstring, out for a couple weeks) 90° Putters Arian Foster (Groin) Adrian Peterson (Torn Meniscus) Now that is just this week. And not all the injuries that kept people on the sidelines for a bit. Just the ones that caused them to leave the game. Keenan Allen blew out his knee last week sending the Outlaws scrambling and the lack of Charles and Gronk for sure impacts the Angels ability to keep points on the board. And this is just Week 2. What’s next? I fully expect all of us to be scrambling for third or fourth string RBs or WRs by Week 4. This week in aggregate seemed pretty low scoring. 2 matches didn’t break 100 points for either team. And then we only had 2 that had both teams over 100. Big turnaround from last week where only 1 team scored less than 100 points (oddly enough that was the Outlaws who are averaging 85.35 PPG so far). Hopefully the points go back up next week so we can see some big numbers and not be left numb as we bench another starter when they blow out a knee or gets a concussion. P.S. The Rams beating the Seahawks 9-3 is probably one of the most hilarious things of all time. Week 2 RecapNorthside Angels (92.1) vs. The Mullynation (96.1) – Title Fight This match up seemed to be a fight between two teams who really did not want to win. Both teams had abysmal outings by their starters and it really came down to the defenses. Defense wins championships, or at least saves two teams from sub 70 point games. The Angels mainly just experienced this week’s low scoring from everyone. Not one of their starters got over 16 points besides the Broncos D/ST. The biggest move they missed was not starting Crowell who has been showing some promise in the new Browns offense. Lots of running coming out of there right now with them losing RG3 and McCown in two weeks. The biggest thing hurting the Angels right now is the lack of their two highest paid picks (draft wise). Both Gronk and Charles are riding the bench so here hopes they get back into the line-up. Mullynation had an equally poor week from their starters. No one besides the defense got over 14 points, it’s just that they had more starters (Non D-ST) getting above ten points with 4 to the Angels 2. No real standouts on the bench to score much better besides one or two points here and there. Just one of those weeks for this match-up. Injury Report: A Both teams came out of this week without a starter being injured. But that may only be because the Angels have their starters out for injuries already. Big City Hillbillies (104.8) vs. Troll Hunters (115.7) The Troll Hunters claim a solid win over the Hillbillies. Nothing too shabby in terms of huge outliers or anything. Just one of those games. The Hillbillies came into this match with a hope that they could repeat a respectable showing of 130ish points. But alas. That was not to happen. He lost Doug Martin in the second quarter and wasn’t doing too hot before that either. This obviously limited his scoring potential which was too bad considering the rest of the team did pretty solid. The exception being Yeldon and Rodgers. The biggest thing for the Hillbillies is the negative point differential between his starters and his bench though. The Hillbillies threw up 109.6 points with his bench. And that is with 3 less slots and 1 bench player out (Ertz) and 1 putting up 0.8 points (Powell). He had 4 on the bench put up 20+ points including Diggs and the Vikings D, If he had slotted in just one of those bench players he would have won. Trust in Diggs man! The Troll Hunters had another week with not much variation from last week. Only a two point difference. The Troll Hunters managed to make it out of the week without any lasting injuries as Marshall was able to keep going for his game. So that right there is a major bonus. Nothing too special for the Hunters this week except for a big 16 points from Gano. Gurley is not looking super promising though so let’s hope that he starts to live up to that high ADP. Injury Report: B- Two of the starters got hurt, one for each team. Though only one was pulled out for the game. The bench of the Hillbillies appears like it can sustain the blow though as long as Bernard keeps up his production. Twin City Tree Cats (94.5) vs. Indian Outlaws (84.4) The Tree Cats pull off a victory over the Outlaws. It was looking like it could be a close one coming in to Sunday night but Mike McCarthy forgot that Eddie Lacy exists and is a good runner when allowed to ya know, actually run. So Lacy puts up a measley 5 points which does nothing to help the Outlaws. The Outlaws other starters were typical for this week: disappointing. ODB has not been his usually self, especially when going up against the Saints. I was expecting at least 20 points from the man. Elliot was looking decent but had a fumble to drag it back down to 12.4. I don’t know if he’s going to work out this year, but he could be primed to pick it up later and maybe next year if he stays patient in the backfield. The pickup to replace Allen had a crap game with only 4 receptions for 33 yards. And his boy Rawls went down with an injury in the first half limiting him to only 2.5 points. Hopefully Michael is able to pick up the slack if he gets slotted in next week. The Tree Cats had a pretty poor game even pulling off the win. Stafford and Murray put up solid points and Benjamin came in huge with 26.3 points. Other than that he had no one go above ten points on his team. I think it was pretty bold to start the Bengals D/ST against the powerhouse that is the Steelers offense but it really didn’t hurt him terribly. Unfortunately it is early season so Brown is not going to be a big part of the game plan for the Cardinals. I expect him to pick it up closer to the end of the season. And of course Woodhead died on the field to add on to the abysmal week. Injury Report: D+ We lost starters for both teams this week. Rawls looks like he is gonna be ok but no word on Woodhead yet. Combined with the injuries last week the Outlaws are looking to maybe end the season with exactly one person not injured. River Gypsies (110.2) vs. Vicious Veg-Heads (146.5) In the big points matchup this week the Gypsies and the Veg-Heads managed to both score above 110 points! That is big money talking! Unfortunately for the Gypsies the Veggies threw up 146.5 points in our highest score of the week. Tough luck Gypsies. Maybe the Mullynation curse transferred to you this week! The Gypsies had a respectable showing from his starters. He followed my advice and made sure Fitzgerald was in his lineup which was smart considering he was the second highest scorer on his team. Trust the Fitz! Murray and his kicker Tucker also threw up 18 and 15 points each. All in all, just a solid game. His weakest spots were his DP (crapshoot) and Wilson (never trust a Seahawk against the Rams). But really nothing could be done there. The Veg Heads roared back with a vengeance after their defeat in Week 1. Cam and Forte both threw up nearly 30 points each which covered up weakness from Abdullah (injured and out early) and Sammy Watkins. Basically all that could be done to improve this week was throwing in Benjamin for a quasi-injured Watkins. That would have thrown him up to 169.2 this week and be our first 50 point defeat. But, alas, the Gypsies survive a complete drubbing. Injury Report: B- Only one starter went down in this match-up so it was not that bad. The Veg-Heads may have to scrounge for another starter as its quite possible that Jeremy Hill is not going to cut it and Booker is just a handcuff to Anderson at this point. Suzy’s Pancakes (103.8) vs. 90° Putters (89.2) The poison is still in them pancakes. The curse is broken. The Putters tried their hardest to drag down the points scored against and did a pretty good job. But they were lured into eating them ‘cakes and felt the poison hit their own team fast. Suzy is now dancing off into Week 3 at 2-0. The Putters experienced the worst of this week in injuries. His week started off well with Decker throwing up 21.6 points in a big win over the Bills. Bortles increased his score by a few points and threw up 18.6. But after that it completely went to crap. No other offensive player went over 6 points and that is including the Blair Walsh Project. And unfortunately a lot of that was due to injuries. Adrian Peterson went down after a disappointing game against the Pack and looks to be out for a couple weeks. Arian Foster pulled his groin in the most expected injury of 2016. And Doug Baldwin hurt his knee though he powered through it to put up 3.5 points. So that’s three, count em 3 starters injured and having limited games beforehand. Everyone else just kind of played below their levels. Kuechly and the Panthers D tried their hardest to not be as bad. Solid scoring from both. Suzy’s Pancakes had one of the few mediocre performances this week. He was only struck by the injury reaper once with Jonathan Stewart who is expected to miss a couple weeks which could be big as he will soon be losing Deangelo. That said he has a fairly decent bench for potential backups in that flex spot. Antonio Brown came down from the heavens to give his powers to Diggs this week and only put up 6.6 points. I don’t expect that to continue. And this week, a mediocre week is all you need. Injury Report: F These teams lost 3 total players that were out by the end of the game. And 1 more that could be out for next week. 3 of those 4 were on the Putters, dealing a massive blow as he potentially lost his RB1 and RB 2 for at least one week and possibly more. Power RankingsSo as I am a mad fan of the hot takes and knee jerk (gah AD!) analysis of ESPN I am gonna change it up again from last week and move things around with my newly patented formula for establishing our power rankings. It is a matrix based upon winning percentage, PPG, injuries, stud production, and my general feeling about teams based upon my dearth of knowledge about fantasy football. Please understand that it won’t make much sense. So here we go! 1 – Troll Hunters (-) No major injuries and a solid performance with not much variance in PPG gives this top spot to the Hunters. Their players are looking good and put up average to great games so far this year and the bench is looking swell as well. No problems here but we shall see as the crazyiness that is 2016 (god rest Prince’s soul) continues on. 2 – Suzy’s Pancakes (+4) The syrupy seductress is too much for this league at the moment. The Pancakes escaped Bloody Sunday with losing only one player to injury but that is buttressed by the good performances by their other players. The low game by Brown will most likely not be repeated as it was pretty rain developed but we could see some trouble coming Week 4 when they lose the Williams could topple this team back down the stack. Again, Pancakes has some serviceable backs in Gore and Riddick, but no one will be a solid RB1 once Bell is back taking away Williams. So this position is tenuous. 3 – Big City Hillbillies (-1) I mainly moved down the Hillbillies because they are 0-2. And really when the time comes the record is all that matters. If the Hillbillies can make better starting choices, they will rapidly move up the ranks and are actually my favorite to win this overall if the Angels don’t manage the dark horse championship. Just need to start Diggs and that Minnesota D! 4 – River Gypsies (+1) The Gypsies stay the same due to losing again and also having some problems with that Atlanta backfield. Other than that the PPG isn’t pretty and there might be problems if the team starts acquiring injuries. Some upside can be found in their bench but they have to make those smart choices. The WRs and RBs are pretty good but choices will need to be made for the future regarding the Flex spot. 5 – Vicious Veg-Heads (+3) Forte has established himself as the back for his team so I doubt this Powell controversy is gonna flare up again. Losing Abdullah is going to be hard but I think they can make it work with the strong performances by the WR corps they have assembled. They also have the highest PPG this year at 133.15 at the time of the article being written. The RBs are gonna be the problem for this team and the Veggies will probably have to make some moves once the two-headed beast that is Hill and Gio starts rearing up. 6 – Northside Angels (-2) The benched Charles and Gronkowski are hurting me badly. I need them back in the line-up. Until then I need to rely too much on a WR corps that is a bit streaky. There could be some sneaky moves with a handcuff or two on the team so the RB group is still looking strong. Just have to play the smart PPR choice. Hopefully we see a rebound in Week 3 against the Hilllbillies! But right now I am just not impressed with my team. Gah. Injuries. 7 – The Mullynation (-4) While the Mullynation pulled of the win it was a wet noodle sort of win. Chances are her fortunes will be brighter in the coming weeks as Sims steps in for Martin and the rest of the team starts putting up serious points. Her defense is not going to save her every week like this week so a bit more consistency would be a major bonus. We will need to see some more consistency from everyone not names McCoy and Snead and a bit better production from the non-defensive players 8 – Twin City Tree Cats (+1) While coming down from the major points last week, the Tree Cats threw together a decent enough week to rise to 2-0. Losing Danny Woodhead will be a major blow but they only need to hold out two more weeks until Bell is ready to play and they already have Ajayi on the bench to step in for the groin injury extraordinaire Arian Foster. Once Bell is able to play again I think this will be a solid team, but there will be some pains until then. 9 – Indian Outlaws (-2) The points just aren’t there for the Outlaws. They have the lowest in the league with 85.35 PPG. Losing Allen last week and the lack of production by Lacy with another injury to Rawls and this team isn’t looking great either. Even having Michael to step in means little as the Seahawks offense is not doing it at all. Putting up 3 points on the Rams? Come on! Plus the $30 sitting on the bench FOR TWO WEEKS is just kinda twelve types of terrible. Why start Rawls over Gordon? Gordon put up 10 more points the week before. Yeah, Woodhead was gonna be there but you obviously paid for Gordon for a reason. Playing that Seahawks RB roulette is gonna get you burned. Rawls and Michael are not Beastmode. Good thing is that the team still has ODB but overall this team is not like the Outlaw teams of old. 10 - 90° Putters (-) I’m sorry to do this but the massive damage done to your starting RBs and some potential damage to your WR corps is leaving this team with a hole the size of the Grand Canyon in it. If you lose those guys, you are left with a WR2 in Sanders and a couple RBs that are streaky as all get out. That said maybe not having to play AP and Foster every week means more flexibility in choosing those benched players. But right now you are still in the dregs. Week 3 PredictionsNorthside Angels (1-1) vs. Big City Hillbillies (0-2)
Vicious Veg-Heads (1-1) vs. Indian Outlaws (0-2) 90° Putters (1-1) vs. Twin City Tree Cats (2-0) The Mullynation (1-1) vs. Suzy’s Pancakes (2-0) River Gypsies (0-2) vs. Troll Hunters (2-0) Hey Everyone, I’m sure all of us were super excited for (Fantasy) Football and the regular season to begin this past Thursday. For some of us this was rather short lived, probably Mullynation seeing CJ Anderson pull together 28 pts or Vegs Heads benching, that’s right, benching Cam Newton QB#1 with a solid 25 pt performance. However, it goes both ways in the following days when on Sunday, Troll Hunters starts the KC DST having no way to know the extent of the damages done due to the ESPN site being temporary shutdown. I mean come on ESPN, get your shit together. You’re a $50+ billion company whose been doing Fantasy Football for decades not some Pokemon game company (Niantic) who crashes when first released. This better not happen again ESPN… or I’ll stop hunting Trolls and start hunting for a new fantasy football website for the one and only RedZone league. Okay back to football now that I have gotten that off my chest. Actually, one more side note before we go far, like Harold and Kumar too far, within this blog post. Over the past few years as the primary editor of the RedZone Blog, I am sure you would all agree that I have exceeded all of your expectation of the weekly write-ups. However, if that was not the case then, I would challenge you to lower your expectations next time. Based on my glorious reviews (which I only read the good ones), I have been given the honored to inform you all of my recent self-promotion to Editor in Chief of the RedZone league blog. As such, the blog is currently looking for unpaid interns who are interested in pursuing a career in fantasy football, getting people coffee, and basic statistical analysis that really doesn’t mean anything but simply provides a “factual” explanation to justify your (the blogs) rather bias personal power rankings. The last one being the most important because we all know sports announcers, writers, etc. can bring up the most ridiculous stats to justify their claim. Quick Fact: Ben Roethlisberger plays his best games during the week of a full moon because he is a BEAST!! (FYI, River Gypsies better watch out week 2!! Why you ask? Hint Hint: check the night sky tonight and you’ll know what’s coming) That being said, anyone and everyone can participate in the weekly write-ups if interested. I have a few referrals who might help with the next couple of weeks but feel free to reach out to myself (Editor in Chief) or our Commander and Chieftain if you would like a position on blog’s team. ***Disclaimer: Any intern participating in the weekly write-up will get the honor to write whatever they want and will not be edited, in any way, by the Editor in Chief. However, the Editor in Chief may choose to write his own mini blog post to explain why you are only an intern and how wrong your personal opinion actually is (along with sharing the correct opinion).*** Okay enough of the intro, so let’s get started on the Week 1 Recaps where every match was an upset when reviewing the Week 1 power rankings!! Weekly Recap Mullynation (117.3) vs Troll Hunters (117.9) Mullynation might have learned a trick or two over the off-season as she was seen sprinkling some anti-luck over Troll Hunters studs Marshall/Gurley. These top 2 Troll Hunters have defeated plenty of Mountain Trolls in the past but seemed to be caught sleeping on the job week 1. However, the Mullynation curse could not be broken when CJ Anderson was cooking the books with Cooks!! Combined they were half of THs total points on this nail biting win Monday night. Big Bad Ben overcame a few issues of his own and putting up 18 pts even with multiple turnovers. Solid performances from Cooper and Kelce made up for the self-destructive Kansas City DST. There was solid bench scoring from these hunters but with his starting line-up is like a troll in sunlight (solid as stone). Luck was really the only saving grace to Mully’s week. Breezy was down all game which limited Ingram’s production. McCoy was solid as ever and not worth talking about unless he breaks 20 pts or scores less than 10. Her only chance to beat TH was to match Cooks up against teammate Willie Snead. However, with WR like Robinson, Maclin, and Landry you wouldn’t be likely to start Snead week 1 unless you were a prophet. Only move that could’ve should’ve turned Mullynation into the winner was to start Landry over Jennings. I mean, I pretty sure I heard Mullynations top WR targets were Landry and Decker… why didn’t you start him then? Just a little more bad luck for Mullynation who continues to have over performing opponents. Troll Hunters has removed the tumor of a DST and will be ready to go week 2 to against the other heavy weight hanging out in the top tier group. Northside Angels (137) vs. River Gypsies (98) – TITLE FIGHT These River Gypsies we too busy dancing around the fire to notice that the Northside Angels were given a divine blessing to punish these dancing heathens. Nothing good about RGs line up shows a good performance except for the Seattle DST and I guess Moncrief. With “blessings” that NSA received you had no chance of winning with your line-up. I mean you weren’t going to start DeMarco Murray against the Vikes (no chance) and the only bump would be a valid swap with Moncrief and Larry Fitz. However, that wouldn’t have been nearly enough to beat your punisher NSA. Poor performance from Russell, Devonta, Lamar, and Dez caused you to lose. Also Devonta and Dez could help you loss more if Atlanta/Dallas can’t figure things out on offense. Overall, not the top tier performance as bestowed upon you for the week 1 power rankings. NSA did really receive a divine blessing for Spencer Ware and Drew Breezy. If Jamaal Charles did play this would have been some sort of committee RB situation with Jamaal testing out his new legs after last year injury. Brees was also blessed at home with a godly performance of 30+ pts. Even without Gronk these angels can still fight and punish anyone who gets in the way of their crusade for the playoffs. Vicious Veg-Heads (120) vs. Suzy’s Pancakes (148) Vicious Veg-Heads had no chance against Suzy’s soldiers love drunken by her Pancakes and syrup which they devoured pregame. These pancakes and syrup are laced with a poison that grabs the hearts of the strongest men but provides them unhuman strength in battle. However, the strongest leaders can harness this power to conquer the world. Veg-Heads received the wrath of Suzy week 1. Suzy’s chosen champions were Sir DeAngelo and Sir Antonio and they conquered the vicious “barbarians” according to Suzy. She offered a glimmer of hope to Veg-heads until Monday night when Suzy showed her butchers knife. I mean Suzy’s squad was doing acceptable until Monday night when she unleashed her love potion to inspire her leaders. This crushed Veg-heads into the first lost under new management. Veg-heads could have made a few helpful moves from the bench with Cam Newton leading the way. Sammy Watkins with only 6 pts was the only surprise but outside of this VVs had a decent start to begin the year. Unfortunately for him, he was just on the wrong end of a man trying to impress his “Goddess”. 90* Putters (110) vs. Indian Outlaws (86) Simple fact for the reason why Indian Outlaws lost this game was due to a curse. They better see a witchdoctor this week or this plague of poor performance could continue into week 2 and beyond. We can already see the lasting impact his opponent’s curse has with the loss of his WR2 Keenan Allen. The curse is more around poor performance though with no player earning more than 10 pts outside of Eli’s 16 pts and Zek’s 12 pts… You have top talent and they are sub-par at best. Your bench fared better but it’s obvious this curse only affects active players. Everyone on the IOS team was just plain bad and legit bench moves could’ve helped IOS defeat this trickster. On the other side, 90* Putters was a rollercoaster. AP and Barnidge were 3 and 0, respectively, and Hyde and Baldwin were at around 20 each. With other performances on the average end he could easily beat the curse Indian Outlaws week 1. Unsure what type of power is 90* Putters is using but if he keeps up this rollercoaster ride from his team’s side, we will have to continue to rely on this “magic” for the time being. Big City Hillbillies (131) vs. Twin City Tree Cats (141) We had a David vs. Goliath match up with the Big Boy Hillbillies against the tiny tree cats… as the story predicts the tiny tree cats comes up big with a whopping 141 pts against for the Bigshot Hillbillies. These Hillbillies tried to invade the Twin Cities and the Tree Cats put a stop to that quick. These big city slickers weren’t big enough to beat the home town heroes. Even with the “league” caging TC2s strongest tiger, Le’Veon, but they have shown they can fight dirty and win without their Biggest Cat. Huge points from Woodhead (cheetah), Green (Bengal), and Kelvin Benjamin (panther) helped the TC2 topple a top tier team. Almost no bench help for the TC2 but who needs bench help when you put up 140+ points. BCH had a serviceable week outside of D. Thomas. These hillbillies played big but the Top 2 will need to play bigger to ensure he wins every week. He had a bit of support from Vikings coming up the Mississippi river giving the BCH a huge advantage after those noon games. The TC2 did not waiver when Twin Cities franchise was turned against them. However, can the tree cats defend their home again? We know they can hold their own against a hammer but can they handle a piercing arrow from a raging outlaw. We will have to wait and see. edit. Power RankingsSo these Power rankings will be slightly different this week as we try to iron out which teams are truly on top and which ones are the bottom feeders. Honestly, I was on board to our Chieftain’s post draft power rankings and probably would have produced something similar myself if I had wrote that post. However, that all changed this past week, when every “underdog” team pulled out an upset as noted above. As such, the rankings should be flipped right? Suzy’s Cakes (last in power rankings) powered out the top points of the week… with the number 8 Tree Cats last week putting up the 2nd best score. As such, for this first week I will focus more on team “tiers” and what tier they fall. Basically, anyone in that tier could be interchangeable at least for this week. So if you are last in a tier doesn’t mean you truly deserve that number 10 spot… However, it does still mean you are a bottom feeder as for right now and you better start producing in weeks to come or your playoff chances could be gone in no time… Tier I 1 - Troll Hunters 1-0 (+4) As this is my week to do the post I am going to rightfully claim the top stop (Even though all the top tier teams could rightfully claim the top spot). Key Positives for the Troll Hunters: Denver has actually invested in the run game and the dividends aren’t just preseason show. CJ Anderson isn’t planning on repeating his starting 2015 performance and that is a fact starting off strong against a top 3 Defense of Carolina. Another preseason concern with CJ was the Backfield competition which has since decreased for the time being with Booker getting three carries and fumbling on carry number 1. Gurleyman is still a top RB1 but had a tough time against San Fran… Honestly, SF just knows how to stop strong RBs with no passing threat (ie. Vikings/SF wk1 2015). Gurley will produce but it might just have to start week 3 as LA plays Seattle this coming week. Another positive is that he has WRs for days and all produced except for top WR1 Marshall. With Marvin Jones and newcomer Will Fuller in the mix, any poor performance can easily be supplemented in weeks to come. Biggest concerns is finding a DST that doesn’t hurt this team and needing JJ Watt to be at least average until he is 100%. Nobody wants to waste a bench spot on a DP. Only real concern is still some marginal RB depth from the bench. Eventually this will have to improve but for now he’s got all starting positions covered. 2 - Big City Hillbillies 0-1 (+1) Hillbillies are probably on par with Troll Hunters above but the only real reason he wasn’t number one was that his DST (the one and only Vikes!!) carried him to above average numbers. Julio and DeAndre were good and so were Doug Martin and Ryan Mathews. If at least one or two of these guys could have been great last week he wouldn’t have had a week 1 loss. On his bench, TJ Yeldon had a pretty good performance but this was only because Chris Ivory was a late scratch from the game. This might not be a norm for TJ Yeldon but if it is Hillbillies will have a decent RB2 for those tricky bye weeks. D Thomas is also showing some injury concerns over the weekend that could cause Hillbillies to make riskier line-up moves that could limit his weekly upside. Aaron Rodgers is expected to have another great week and should be a consistent QB with high upside even though was only QB7 this week. Hillbillies has a lot going for him here but an injury or two could shake this team’s foundation. Only DST scoring 22 pts will keep him on top if any of his big hitters goes down. For now though, I see this team producing high scores week in and week out only one week and teams will have to score 135+ to beat him each week. 3 - The Mullynation 0-1 (-2) Mullynation still has a good team but her curse of opponents pulling out all the stops continues into 2016. However, she has plenty of positives coming out of week 1. Andrew Luck turned his lucky horseshoe on against Detroit to earn him 35 pts but remember this is Detroit. We’ll see if he can stay healthy and produce but right now all signs point to yes. Also Ingram should benefit from an increase in workload when NO isn’t playing from behind the entire game. Lastly, Shady was consistent as ever and nuff said. Biggest concerns will be her WR production and whether Jacksonville and Miami can produce like last year. Overall, her WRs underperformed this past week and I would except that they bounce back at least marginally to beat her average opponent. We’ll see if she pull off some lady luck in the coming weeks because all her WR can produce, including her rising start Willie Sneed, but can she make sure to have them in her line-up each week is the real question. Robinson, Maclin, and Landry should have their starting spots but with Rashad and Sneed “trying to make the team” she might have to be gambling each week. We’ll have to wait and see… but overall I don’t have concerns that her team will produce which is why she still owns a spot within the top tier group. Tier II 4 - Northside Angels 1-0 (+2) – Red Belt Holder Honestly, Northside Angels team exceeded my expectations this week without his top draft pick, the Gronk! Drew Breezy played lights out and will help carry this team to victories going forward. David Johnson looked great once again!! Spencer Ware was the back to have pulling in 29 pts. If I was NSA I would be hoping Jamaal Charles stays injured and continue to give this guy the touches. His WR produced consistent numbers but nervous if any will ever have a lights out game. His WRs were getting targets and touches but none were fortunate to twerk in the end zone like the one and only Antonio Brown. At least one should put up a TD most weeks. Whenever Gronk comes back healthy, I can see this team producing above average points each week if at least one WR can sneak into the TD. Isaiah Crowell was surprisingly solid and could be a reliable flex play/bye week fill in weeks to come. The biggest concern is the could be running back committee when Jamaal Charles comes back and overall decreases the “starters” numbers of either of these two individuals. 5 - River Gypsies 0-1 (-3) River Gypies falls hard because I honestly have a lot of concerns about this starting line-up. The only people I do like are Lamar Miller as a sure lock every week. His has the potential to do well if he picks the correct WR each week. Each of these players could be a top 10 WR or more likely fall in the 15-20 range or worse. I like Moncrief and Fitzs but with the WR talent in Indie and Arizona it could be. I mean you have two Indie WRs… valid only if you have injury concerns but would you ever start both of them? I hope not. I’m nervous Dez will even be close to a top 25 WR and last week performance doesn’t help his case. Jeffery and Crabtree are good but we’ve seen rollercoaster weeks/years of these guys so they will need to be consistent for RGs to keep his team in the upper tiers of this very competitive league. Another big concern is the RB situation going forward with the unsettling Devonta Freeman situation (is this CJ Anderson 2015… and its starting to look that way) I mean it’s worth the risk for $6 but having your backup RB as DeMarco Murray isn’t ideal. He might have the starting roll these first weeks but I am still riding the Derrick Henry train who will take over the backfield in week 5 or 6. Calling it right now. We know that RGs players can be great but will they be great this year is a different question. This is the main reason that RGs is still an upper tier team (for now). Tier III 6 - Suzy’s Pancakes 1-0 (+4) The 302 Cadet’s have gained some unholy power after devouring Suzy’s pancakes and her deadly syrup elixir. This new power comes at an unimaginable costs, the Cadet’s have been brainwashed and renamed themselves in honor of their temptress. This team’s new heroes are Sir DeAngelo and Sir Antonio. However, Suzy’s power can only last so long. It has been foretold that Sir DeAenglo will be disowned when his younger brother Le’Veon returns from his pilgrimage. Until the reckoning, this army with wreak havoc to any honorable challenger. After foretelling events, a new champion will have to rise in Sir DeAngelo ashes, if this army wants to continue their reign. Who will rise to Suzy’s challenge? Common soldier, Theo Riddick’s, standout performance could predict the next champion to receive Suzy’s “blessing”. He definitely shows potential but everyone has these “potential” champions on their team, like Abdullah, Murray, Fuller, Sanu, etc. Since this is a weekly ranking looking primarily to the upcoming week, this team’s new found power looks to be red hot coming right out of the oven. Overall, Suzy’s pancakes earned the highest score this week and was rewarded with a nice bump in the power rankings. Additionally, I can see the possibility of putting together a top score in coming week. However, at any time, if either of these two champions falls out of blessing with Suzy or is cursed by a higher power, they could see themselves falling back into the bottom tier. On the flip side, another great week and you can possibly join the elites (in the upper tier VIP rankings). 7 - Indian Outlaws 0-1 (-3) He moves down three spots based on my 3 top concerns. First concern is the WR2 position. Keenan Allen was going to be a solid performer for our half PPR scoring. He’s now gone and Indian Outlaws is looking for his replacement and he doesn’t have much except young blood (Sharpe and Coleman). Both backups have potential and put up average points last week. However, like I have said above, everyone seems to have potential… relying on these unproven talent is risking but Outlaws in backed up into a corner and we’ll see if either of them can become a solid WR2 starter. Second concern is if Melvin Gordon will match or exceed his score week 1 anytime the rest of the year. When the pressure was on I saw Danny Woodhead in the game and not Gordon. Just because he put up 18 points week 1 doesn’t mean that will indicate future success. Once again has potential but the late game reps for Danny Woodhead was concerning as for right now. Lastly, the Seattle backfield situation will be a shot in the dark these next few weeks. Who will win out or will they keep the committee backfield all year… IOS would hope for at least one of these two to step up and become at least a startable RB1/2 to make up for his current WR situation. Lacy/Elliott/ODB were only okay for all their hype. They will need to pick up their fantasy game to avoid IOS receiving the humiliating honor of the lowest score of the week (and losing to the 3rd lowest scoring team as well). 8 - Vicious Veg-Heads 0-1 (-1) Honestly, I originally had you ranked higher but the more I look at this RB situation the scarier and scarier it looks. Forte had a great week one and we were all surprised that there wasn’t too much Powell action. However, as we all know, one week doesn’t make you an instance starter and they paid Powell a lot of money to help out this offense. I would be surprised if I didn’t see his name on the stats more in coming weeks. Also Jeremy Hill has almost no upside in my opinion Gio will always be there stealing points from Jeremy Hill owners… His only redeeming factor last week was a TD but 30 yds is an ouch… However, I don’t know who else he can trust Abdullah had one great game (but so did Theo) as such, another wild card in the mix. Also we all praised Veg Heads for his top WRs who did good outside of Sammy Watkins. The latest concern with him though is that he is still concerned about his foot “feeling hot”. He also confirmed he has no pain but he’s still thinking about it and that worries me to believe that he will be back on the injury list at some point this year. Also when you have the number 1 QB, its hard to not start him and Veg Heads did just that which didn’t help. This moved didn’t hurt you this time because of the Pittsburg showcase but moves like this could keep this franchise near the bottom. Bottom Feeders 9 - Twin City Tree Cats 1-0 (-1) Simply fact is that I am calling this past week’s performance by TC2 a fluke… AJ green at 30 (I expect like 15), Danny woodhead at 21 (I expect like 12), Kelvin Benjamin at 18 (I expect like 12), Stafford and Josh Brown are a wash because I expect Brown to produce at variable (when it’s his week similar to Larry Fitz last week) and Stafford was playing the Indie defense which explains itself. With these “adjustments” TC2 should win (or blow out) average teams. Prove me wrong again and I (or my interns) will move you up a tier. Only until week 4 you have a chance at a upper tier personally when Le’Veon has a “jailbreak” week 4 to remind the rest of the fantasy league why he deserve to be number 1. Outside of Bell on his bench, I have no confidence in anyone to be serviceable for the timing being. I mean your RB2 pick last week was Danny Woodhead or Jay Ajayi. Obviously, Danny is a PPR man but in our half PPR it’s a bit of a toss up. Your best hope is to survive the weeks that Bell is SSPD or on bye and you did much more than that last week. Cheers to you man but if I were a betting man, I wouldn’t expect this type of person week 2… as such you will remain a bottom feeder even after putting up top 2 fantasy numbers last week. 10 - 90* Putters 1-0 (-1) The only difference between me and my “twin” is that I have quality team and win my games through the hard efforts of my players and he on the other hand is a Mother Fuckin' Sorcerer. This was confirmed week 1 this year. You think those 90* putters are bent because of those long lanky arms? No, it’s due to his telekinesis and sorcery . Though he enjoys bending putters to a perfect 90*, his specialty is ruining team’s fantasy hopes and dreams on a week to week basis. He does this by forcing his fantasy opponents to having their worst game of the season against him. We began to question his power last year when he “earned” a first round bye in the play-offs using this same tactic in the regular season. We know it’s not perfected yet as he has yet to win a championship but I believe he is getting close. From what I have heard, from a reliable source, this unknown power was first displayed two years ago when him and is partner combined forces and took the championship scoring no more than 80 pts each game (Standard 10 team league, 3 playoff games). I am warning everyone right now; if we don’t stop him soon this might be 2015 all over again to start the 2016 season. Based on these dirty tricks you deserve to be a bottom feeder. Also TC2 put up way more points than this Dirty Sorcerer. Outside of his dirty sorcery, his team did fine outside of Adrian and Barnidge. Hyde was no surprise to blow up week 1 (similar to last year) but if he can produce and stay healthy post week 1 will be a necessity. Baldwin somehow continued his reign as a top WR and really unsure how he can keep this up. He has a few beams of light with Arian Foster earning the starting role and keeping himself healthy. Emmanuel Sanders could benefit from D. Thomas possibly on the injury this this week. Lastly, Cobb and Decker putting average points up this week. Everyone to me seems average besides AP and as such, you earned a spot near the bottom. Once Brady is your starting QB, Foster stays healthy, and at least one WR somehow becomes a top 10 player, you can maybe stop using your dirty tricks to win game. Even if you continue winning but do so with scores in the bottom 50% of the league you will remain a bottom feeder, feeding off other’s dreams and giving your opponents nightmares. Week 2 Forecast 90* Putters over Suzy’s Pancakes
As noted above the Cadet’s have gained some unknown power so far this season from devouring Suzy’s Pancakes. They will need to be sure to pray for Suzy’s pancakes to give them heroic strength once again in week 2. I predict that they will need every drop of her deadly elixir if dare to challenge the all-powerful Sorcerer in this battle of magic. I have seen this power first hand and believe we need a Hero not a brainwashed army to defeat this evil. Northside Angels over The Mullynation – TITLE FIGHT Gronk will be back to continue the curse against Mullynation. Another big player this week will be Golden Tate (I don’t know why but I have a feeling). I am nervous for Luck at Denver and McCoy will be targeted with the poor Tyrod Taylor performance and Watkins still being “injured”. This will be a tough match-up for Mully. Indian Outlaws over Twin City Tree Cats I want to see the Tree Cats continue their high preforming defense of their home town. However, I believe the raging outlaws will be out for blood after last week’s performance. The only hope is to get the “Eye of the Tiger” from their caged super star Le’Veon and pull together another week like week 1. Honestly, I don’t think it will happen but anything is possible after watching the games last week. Vicious Veg-heads over River Gypsies I believe that River Gypsies can’t get his starting line-up quite right again and loses because he “left” a lot of points on his bench. Newton, Jordy, and Evans will have huge weeks and will lift Veg-heads to a first career win in The RedZone league. However, RGs knowing full well he could have won if he had guessed right now which players to start. Troll Hunters over Big City Hillbillies This will be a burly men (or should I say Gurleymen) showdown between the Hunters and the Hillbillies. Each group of men, have a starting line-up equal to no other. Who will reign champion and claim the top spot in the power rankings week 3. This will come down to DST, kicker, and DP players and the Hunters have been saving their best shot for this week. Be ready for an action back week that ends Monday night with the lone Hillbilly, Mathews, with the weight of the world or a feather on his shoulders to finish these Titan’s match-up. My prediction is former and Mathews will not be able to handle the weight. Buckle up, homies. The 2016 fantasy football season has officially been thrust upon us once more by August’s girthy manhood. Hold back those tears, clutch that pillow, and just imagine how carefree and happy you used to be back in May. That’s naught but a distant memory. As is custom, we need an over-the-top, brutally-critical, and really not-all-that-funny rapid reaction to the draft, and I think I’m the man to do it. I will warn y’all, I’m probably only going to write a couple pieces for the Red Zone this year, so I better make this one worth your while, yeah? It’s gonna be looooong. I’ve got caffeine pills, two pillows on my chair, and a big ol’ glass of malk. I’m fucking ready. So, obviously I’m going to review all the moves from the other night’s draft. I’m going to hit the high points, hit the low points, and I’m also going to highlight one particular move for each franchise that is the most “typical” of that franchise in particular. This may be hard to describe right now, but I swear you’ll catch on quickly as we move. Then at the end of the post, I’m also going to include some league-wide data just in order to anger as many of you as possible. I do love efficiency. I’ve taken the liberty of excel-ifying all of our draft data, which hopefully y’all can appreciate or enjoy. I’ve got graphs that show how each team spent their precious draft capital. “But wait, Andrew! What about teams whose construction was heavily influenced by the value and cost tied to their keepers, like the Indian Outlaws spending a meager $17 combined on a WR1 and RB2? Wouldn’t their respective pie charts be kind of limited in utility?” “By golly you’re right, little man! Thanks for the heads up. I’ll counter that problem by also making a different pie chart for each team, but this one will not include their chosen keepers. That way, it will literally only show what they actually chose to purchase during the auction, better showing their mindset.” “Jeepers, Andrew. You’re really smart.” “ty bby. Let’s rage.” Indian OutlawsIndian Outlaws (Shotgun Division) Yup, we’re going to start with the Outlaws, as usual. All in all, I’m pleased with this draft class. Starting off with Beckham and Rawls for $17 was a luxury. I didn’t actually plan to draft Elliot, but the $48 I paid was less than the $51 that I valued him at, so I ain’t mad. Eddie Lacy is my muse, my flame. This dude has literally been on my fantasy team for every single minute of his professional career. I have never not had Eddie Lacy. Ride or die. Grabbing Melvin Gordon was solely a “because I can” move. I see him as a best-case low-end RB1 if he sorts his shit out, but more likely a mid-tier RB2. I had money saved after Elliot, Lacy, and Allen, so I sprung for Melvin. Sue me. I know I overpaid, but I’m going to laugh as it works out just fine. I firmly believe in Melvin Gordon this year. To all of you readers from the future coming back to re-visit this post, be sure to text some leaguemates (mostly the River Gypsies) and mock them about how the Indian Outlaws hoarded the RB talent in 2016, and how so many teams got sidetracked with their RB injuries. Really give it to ‘em. Yeah, my WR depth is thin, not Spence-thin, more Gentry-thin. I was budgeting for Melvin around $15-20, leaving me about $17 to grab another WR (namely Josh Gordon). That didn’t happen. Eh. Corey Coleman, Tajae Sharpe, and Breshad Perriman will probably only have to be started for a combined two weeks of the year, and the WR spots are otherwise locked down with OBJ and Allen. I’ll live. There’s really nothing else of note. Eric Ebron is going to show why the Lions made him a top-10 draft pick, and he’s going to benefit from their pass-happy offense. Oh, and I’m gonna ride that derpy bro in New Jersey right to another Schadenfreude. Best Move: In hindsight, Eddie Lacy at $41 was a steal. In a draft where Bell went for $63, Charles went for $57, Ingram went for $52, Peterson went for $50, and Matt freaking Forte went for $36, I can absolutely live with Lacy at just $41. Keep in mind, this time last year, this guy was literally the most common #1 pick in fantasy drafts. Worst Move: No doubt, it’s paying $30 for Melvin Gordon. I’m going to sink or swim on that one, but I brought my floaties to San Diego. The water’s fine. Most “Indian Outlaws” Move: It’s the Lacy pick 100%, but I already mentioned it. So in that case, it’s snatching Tevin Coleman away from the River Gypsies for really no reason at all, other than a firm “go fuck yourself.” The MullynationThe Mullynation (Bootleg Division) It’s rare, because when it comes to fantasy football I’m a hopeless know-it-all paired with being an extreme optimist, but I actually don’t like my team the most this year. It’s pathetic too, since my keeper situation was stacked. But no, my draft was not elite-tier. Y’know who’s draft turned out pretty damn well? The Mullynation. Talking with my wife over the last couple weeks has apparently infected her brain with the same nonsense I’m riddled with, since she’s also hoarding RBs like the nukes are already flying. After a decent keeper start of Luck and Robinson for $35, the Mullynation grabbed Mark Ingram and Lesean McCoy for $52 and $38, respectively. No, that’s not a typo. Yes, that’s $38 dollars for Lesean McCoy, the sole RB threat on the NFL team that runs more than any other. Top that off with Jarvis Landry at WR2 and the ever-dependable Jeremy Maclin in the Flex, with a bench of Rashad Jennings, LeGarrette Blount, and Charles Sims, along with some lottery picks, Devin Funchess, Kevin White, and Willie Snead, at WRs4, 5, and 6, and baby you’ve got a stew going. I’ll admit I wasn’t as much of a fan of this team until the final moments of the draft. That’s what changed it from a good draft to a superlative one. Having five legit RB options is rare (not even counting Dion Lewis’ eventual return!), and it’s only a matter of time before the Mullynation starts getting texts about trades. Upgrading the flex to a bonafide blue-chip player would be enough to push the Mullynation into basically uncatchable status, and with the given assets, that’s more likely to happen than not. Best Move: Charles Sims for $1. Lesean McCoy for $38 is close, as is Blount, but getting Sims for $1 immediately made this team break-proof. This team ain’t going anywhere. Worst Move: Paying $7 for Rashad Jennings isn’t bad, per se, but seeing Gio Bernard go for $4 moments later was tough. Jennings holds more value currently than Gio, given his bell-cow status, but there’s not a big gap. An extra $3 at the end of drafts can be monumental. Most “Mullynation” Move: Watching Eric Decker get nominated very early, before she had locked down her targeted WR2, Jarvis Landry. Decker was one of her Flex targets, but she couldn’t pull the trigger on him without making sure she secured Landry first. Her man-candy was gone in an instant, and she’ll have five months to mourn his loss. River GypsiesRiver Gypsies (Shotgun Division) Well, Gentry has done it again. Our little Gary Coleman has found himself a very pretty starting lineup. In fact, it’s arguably the best starting lineup in the Red Zone currently. If injuries can be avoided, this is an easy championship contender. Of course, with Miller and Freeman for $28 combined, it’d be hard to imagine the Gypsies not ending up with a fierce team. But that’s not the point. We’re looking at a lineup of Wilson – Miller – Freeman – Bryant – Jeffery (curse his name) – Demarco Murray (or Donte Moncrief) – Reed. That’s what we folks in the industry like to call a glass cannon. That shit will blow you away, as long as it holds up. We do need to mention the 100% verified, absolutely-going-to-happen, no doubt about it, fact that Devonta Freeman is going to suffer a humiliating collapse, allowing Tevin Coleman to surge ahead into RB1 status. Okay, that’s been mentioned now. And we do need to mention that Dez Bryant’s quarterback, occasional power-bottom, and general life-coach, Tony Romo, currently has a broken spine, and will be out for 10+ weeks, and also the fact that Dez tends to get nicked up, too. Okay, that’s been mentioned. Oh and we do need to mention that Alshon Jeffery (curse his name) is arguably the single most frustrating fantasy asset in the world. He’s easily elite when he’s on the field, but his soft-tissues are made up of a mix between wet newspaper and tapioca pudding. I was able to start him six times in last year’s regular season, and in two of those games he left prematurely with injury. Wait, you’re saying he’s literally already injured his hammy this month? Color me surprised. Mentioned. Oh, and lastly we do need to mention the fact that Jordan Reed, though awesome, is a walking time bomb. His career is literally in jeopardy with one single additional concussion. The only guy who’s brain is more mushy is John Brown. Alright, we’ve mentioned it all. This team is loaded with risk. Interestingly, the River Gypsies didn’t really focus on the bench, which has been a successful strategy for them for the last five years. For the first time in the history, I think the Indian Outlaws squad has a more solid bench than the River Gypsies. It must be a sign of the apocalypse. Best Move: Grabbing Michael Crabtree for $4 was a steal. Make no bones about it. Last season, Crabtree actually outscored his teammate Amari Cooper, and there’s honestly a decent chance that it happens again. It wasn’t that long ago that Crabtree was the best WR prospect since Calvin Johnson. He can ball, and might end up saving RG's ass. Worst Move: Spending $2 on Justin Tucker was a mistake. Spending $2 on the Seahawks was a mistake. Spending $2 on Lavonte David was justifiable, but still a mistake in my opinion. Losing out on an extra $3 in those final draft moments is just brutal. The River Gypsies’ bench could be so much stronger had they saved even one additional dollar, given the deals we had at the close of the draft. Most “River Gypsies” Move: This one is actually a tie. Was anyone remotely surprised when Gentry started nominating DSTs and Ks early on? Newsflash, it’s not novel, and it’s not even a good strategy when you’re nominating them for $2. That’s how you overpaid for Tucker. Nothing wrong with grabbing Bailey, Crosby, or Catanzaro for $1 at the end of the draft. Getting tricksy at the K position, and ultimately grabbing Tucker. Classic. Also, it wouldn’t be a River Gypsies draft if they didn’t grab a solid aging veteran player that most people are second-guessing and staying away from. This ends up with the Gypsies grabbing a guy for less than his market value, and usually he’s a solid option. Fears of age-related-demise are often overblown. Sound like, oh I don’t know, Larry Fitzgerald, anyone? Troll HuntersTroll Hunters (Shotgun Division) The Troll Hunters climbed out of the cellar last season and clinched their first ever playoff berth. With the squad they’ve assembled for 2016, I’d be surprised if they miss out on a repeat visit. I like CJ Anderson as a bounce-back guy this year, much like Randall Cobb, and I think he’s going to be a very solid RB2 for the Hunters. I am mildly worried about Gurley getting stonewalled by defenses that don’t have to worry about the Rams’ QB attack, but Gurley is an elite talent that can hopefully power through those 8-man fronts. I don’t know how much I believe in Matt Jones off the bench, but Derrick Henry was a nice lottery ticket to grab. I don’t think RB will be a concern this year unless there are significant injuries. The WR corps is pretty excellent here. Marshall – Cooper – Cooks – Jones gives a lovely elite ceiling (from Marshall and random Cooks explosions) with a solid floor of dependable targets (from Marshall and Cooper), while Jones could earn himself a big chunk of the pie in Detroit. I see this as the fourth-best WR corps behind VV, BCH, and MN, but you could argue it ahead of MN I think based on Jones’ depth. The bench is…...average. Nobody jumps out, no big values, no big surprises, no nothing really. The bench is basically just “M Jones” x2, + Derrick Henry. That’s alright. Big Ben at QB is middle-of-the-road in my opinion, as he somehow never ends up as an elite fantasy option despite his loaded team. Every year he gets hyped, but he doesn’t break out. We will see. I actually would bet on him this year, but who knows? Best Move: I love the pick of Marvin Jones for $9. He offers upside as well as an established role, and that pricetag is almost one-fourth what was paid for Amari Cooper (which was an overpay, but still). That’s fantastic value. I was targeting him myself, well I was until I paid $1000 for Melvin Gordon. Ah well. When Gurley gets overworked and injured, you know who to call, Hayds. Worst Move: Though I love the WR corps’ combined talent, I’ve got to nit-pick one thing. Marshall at $44 was incredibly steep. Only six total players cost more than Marshall (Julio, Bell, Charles, Ingram, Peterson, Elliot, Green). AJ Green was just two dollars more at $46, and I think anyone would take Green over Marshall in a heartbeat. In hindsight, ponying up that little bit of extra dough (and missing out on a Chris Ivory maybe?) to grab Green would have helped this team a lot. Most “Troll Hunters” Move: I know you love him Hayden, but Amari Cooper at $34 is a straight up overpay. Cooper was outscored last year by Tavon Austin, John Brown, Ted Ginn, and Michael Crabtree, and he went for almost three times their combined draft cost. I understand projecting growth, but that’s a lot. You had blinders like I did with Gordon. 90 Degree Putters90 Degree Putters (Shotgun Division) The Putters have been a reliable fantasy franchise for many years. They’re most often very competitive and well-managed, as evidenced by their championship appearance in 2011 and their nearly 7-0 start last year. That’s why this heap of shit is so surprising. For real, Chris, what happened? You spent $50 on a safe, solid RB1, though admittedly he lacks much PPR upside. But that’s fine. Good pick, and decent value. Then shit hit the fan so hard it sent the fan right through the damn wall. The Putters were left holding the bag at $17 for Carlos Hyde, perhaps the most egregious downward deviation from any projected valuation. It was clear that no one wanted Hyde. No one dared bid him up, unless that’s what the Putters were attempting to do. If that’s the case, I pity you. If you actually think he’ll be a good RB2 this year, I might pity you even more. Five picks later, you grabbed Randall Cobb for $18, and I remember thinking to myself, “Damn, nice get.” Cobb has upper-tier WR2 written all over him this year. And the draft was still young! You still had $98, with your RB1 locked up, WR2 locked up, flex locked up (Baldwin), and a nice rotational RB with Hyde. Mark Ingram was available, AJ Green was available, Alshon Jeffery (curse his name) was available. You could have added another bonafide blue-chip to your team with plenty of money to spare! Instead, your WR ended up looking like this: Cobb ($18) as WR1, Decker ($16) as WR2, Baldwin ($6) as WR3, Michael Floyd ($15) as WR4, Emmanuel Sanders as WR5 ($18), Allen Hurns ($5) as WR6, and Sterling Shepard ($3) as WR7. What is that? That depth is waaaaaay too expensive. Take Decker and Floyd and Sanders and dump their money into a $40+ player, and you still have a great corps! There’s almost no upside to a handful of $18 players. Grabbing Arian Foster to bolster the RB corps was an intriguing option, but it was a bad move for a team built like this. The Putters have a grand total of four RBs on the roster, and only one of them is reliable: Peterson. Hyde has major red flags, Foster breaks down with a mild breeze, and Forsett might be losing his job. If anything happens to Peterson, this team is going to finish in last place. I like the move to grab Brady, but roster spots might be in desperate need on a team like this. If any injury happens in the first four weeks, it might be tough to stand pat as the playoffs slip further and further away. Best Move: Michael Floyd at $15 represents a sound investment. I think he has a nice mix of stability (well-defined role in the Cardinals’ offense) along with elite playmaking ability and red zone prowess. He ended last year on a terrific hot streak, which is a nice plus. Floyd is certainly no guarantee, considering the weapons the Cardinals have, but he’s a nice piece to monitor, and I think he had a great pricetag. Worst Move: Paying Emmanuel Sanders $18 is crazy to me. He is Trevor Siemian’s #2 option in a Gary Kubiak run-heavy offense. That’s bad enough, but palatable. What makes it a thousand times worse is the fact that the Putters already had three nice WRs at that point in the draft. They spent $18 on an overpriced WR to sit on their bench. Most “90 Degree Putters” Move: Grabbing Tom Brady was textbook Putters. I figured he’d end up as a Putter, and surely he did. I was surprised at the pricetag of $11, far more than my valuation of $6, but to see him end up with Chris was no surprise at all. It just fits. Pretty boy with pretty boy. Big City HillbilliesBig City Hillbillies (Shotgun Division) Evan is always a good drafter. He has a plan, hits his marks, and usually ends up right near the top of the post-draft heap. Unfortunately for all of us, there’s nothing new this year. The Hillbillies are rolling out a near carbon-copy of last year’s post-draft Mullynation squad: Big-money QB 2015 Andrew Luck vs 2016 Aaron Rodgers Dependable RB1 with a shaky RB2 2015 Jamaal Charles & Demarco Murray vs 2016 Doug Martin & Ryan Mathews Two Top-5 WRs 2015 Julio Jones & Allen Robinson (well okay we couldn’t see the future, but he ended up WR#4) vs. 2016 Julio Jones & DeAndre Hopkins Mercurial WR flex play 2015 Brandin Cooks vs. 2016 Demaryius Thomas Young, promising bargain-bin TE option 2015 Tyler Eifert vs 2016 Zach Ertz The resemblance in team construction really is pretty strong. If you’ll recall, an injury to Jamaal Charles derailed the Mullynation’s promising season. She didn’t have the relevant KC backup, and the Hillbillies are in the same situation currently, not owning Martin’s backup, Charles Sims. I personally don’t know if it will necessarily matter, as I like both Gio Bernard and Bilal Powell on BCH’s bench, but obviously we all must take note of this omen. Spoooooooooky I think Ryan Mathews is the only thing holding this team back in the slightest. Rodgers can feast on an easy schedule, Julio and Hopkins will outscore literally every other WR1/WR2 combo, and Martin can probably end up around RB10. I like the grab of Tyrod Taylor for just $1, but considering the Hillbillies have Aaron Rodgers starting, that bench spot may be useful for another stash…? Maybe Evan is just being four-weeks-proactive in addressing Rodgers’ bye week? I don’t totally get that call, but I like Taylor regardless. Best Move: Grabbing Bilal Powell for $2 will prove to be a very influential choice. Powell has a chance to be very valuable this season. He’s being paid the same salary as Matt Forte, yet everyone assumes Forte is just going to be given that RB1 job for the Jets. Not so fast. Granted, once the omen comes true and Jamaa- whoa I mean Doug Martin- goes down for the year, I’m not sure Bilal Powell will offer exceptional RB2 scoring, but we’ll wait and see. Any injury to Forte catapults Powell into high-end RB2 discussion. Worst Move: This is a very, very easy choice. The Hillbillies cleverly saved $4 right to the end of the draft, presumably to draft Charles Sims, who not only backs up BCH’s RB1, but has standalone PPR value. That budgeting was smart and was certainly enough to afford Sims. The problem was, the Hillbillies inadvertently filled up one too-many bench spaces before grabbing Sims, meaning they were left with their $4 and only an open space for a starting DST. They grabbed the Patriots DST (for $4) and hoped no one would notice Sims. But alas, that was not meant to be, as the Mullynation scooped him up five picks later for just $1. I don’t want to speak in hyperbole here, but this really is one of the more significant $1 buys in recent memory. Charles Sims had over 1000 yards last year despite being Martin’s backup, and was one of four total players with 100 carries and 50 receptions (Freeman, Ingram, and Duke Johnson). And really, he should have been a Hillbilly. If something happens to Martin, BCH will have no choice but to act on the fly, and and that will shake things up. This one hurts. Most “Big City Hillbillies” Move: It wouldn’t be fantasy football without the bromance between Evan and Julio…or rather the one-way bromance that Evan bestows upon Julio. And rightfully so! Julio is a freaking stud. I’m 82% positive that if Julio Jones walked through Evan’s door right now and propositioned him for sex by saying, “$1000 for sex?” Evan would misunderstand and start writing him a check. After a very productive one-year stint on the Mullynation, Julio is rightfully back in his man’s arms. Susie's Pancakes (302 Cadets) Susie's Pancakes (Bootleg Division) … … Well fuck. Do you hate me, Derek? Do you enjoy making me feel sorrow? Do you enjoy making me feel bad about myself? It kind of seems like it. I mean, you’re just asking for it. You’re just asking for it! I have to rip you. I have to. It’s not up for debate, not with a squad like this. I stood up for you, Derek! I picked you to go to the playoffs last year! You were the chosen one! And this is how you repay me? Oh boy. I suppose I should probably start with Antonio Brown, right? That’s an excellent start. Antonio Brown is a successful NFL player. He is fast and strong and athletic and he also has a nice smile. Okay, that’s enough good news. Egregious overpays on Julian Edelman and DeAngelo Williams cost you $40! $40 on those two, one guy a 30 year-old WR with a recent surgery to put a screw in his foot, playing with a backup QB for four weeks, and the other guy a backup RB with only three guaranteed starts. Brutal doesn’t begin to cover it. On the other hand, paying full market value for Jonathan Stewart ($24) and Jordan Matthews ($12) is fine. I see both as safer, if unexciting, picks. Stewart is steady as they come, and a nice RB2 talent. Matthews can’t be that bad as the WR1 on the Eagles. He’ll simply get targets regardless. $17 on Langford isn’t terrible value either really. That’s actually a couple bucks less than I had him going for, but he’s Jeremy Langford. Greg Olsen at $21 is a good deal. I’m not particularly high on him this year, but he’s a safe upper-tier TE option. Duke Williams for $11 isn’t horrible, but running QBs tend to throw less to RBs than non-running QBs, so we’ll see. Gore at $11 isn’t horrible either, but his O-Line is a shithole. Palmer at $7 is fine, but he’s one hit away from retirement. Are you sensing a pattern here? You spent appropriate amounts of money on everyone (with two enormous exceptions), but you bought guys that have almost zero upside built into their season! There is just no one to get excited about on this team other than Brown, and maaaaaybe Olsen. That's it. The goal of fantasy football is to build a team that can win a championship. Some ways are riskier than others, and lots of people have differing strategies. You’ve managed to find one way that is almost guaranteed not to work, not without significant waiver luck at least. Let’s talk miracles here, shall we? Palmer’s ceiling is Top-3 QB. Stewart’s ceiling is elite RB2. Langford’s ceiling is solid RB2. Brown’s ceiling is #1 overall WR. Edelman’s ceiling is solid WR2. Olsen’s ceiling is Top-3 TE. Matthews, Johnson, Gore, Williams, they all just kinda hang around behind there. In a best case scenario, like absolutely everyone stays injury free and performs very well, you’ve got a squad that’s good enough to lose in the second round of the playoffs to a Luck – McCoy – Ingram – Robinson – Landry – Maclin – Fleener lineup, or a Rodgers – Martin – Mathews – Julio – Hopkins – DT – Ertz lineup. This Pancakes lineup just cannot hit any kind of a high note, not high enough to beat other elite talent. Those RBs have damned you. It’s already doomed. The backbone of this team is as strong as a ninety year-old man’s pork sword. Best Move: I absolutely love the Torrey Smith for $3 grab. Smart, savvy play to grab a team’s WR1, especially when that’s a Chip Kelly fast-paced offense. Now it may not pan out, as Torrey Smith isn’t exactly a phenom or anything, but his ceiling far exceeds his $3 pricetag. Best case scenario, Chip’s offense soars and they run 20% more plays than the average NFL team, like he did with the Eagles. Smith stays their WR1, breaks 1000 yards, grabs 5-7 TDs, and is a reliable flex play or low-end WR2 for basically peanuts. Excellent gamble. Worst Move: Can I just critique general strategy here? The worst move was not taking a single shot on one blue-chip player. No Jamaal Charles, Le’Veon Bell, AJ Green, Rob Gronkowski, or Aaron Rodgers type player. You have Antonio Brown and then a pile of meh. You’re so conservative, Scott Walker wrote your name in on the ballot in Wisconsin. Most “Susie's Pancakes” Move: Another year, another Steelers DST appearance. Clockwork envies you. Northside AngelsNorthside Angels (Bootleg Division) I remember during the draft I looked at the remaining money, and this was still very early on, and when I saw your remaining money, I was floored. We had barely hit auction #30 and you had just $46 remaining. I thought to myself, “Mike is riskin’ it for the biscuit,” and you were. Your lineup at that point was David Johnson, Jamaal Charles, Rob Gronkowski, TY Hilton, and Isaiah Crowell. Damn son. That’s nice. I love the mentality. Yeah you’ve got an elite RB as your cheap keeper. Why not go spend some fucking money and get the best other one available? This is basically the opposite of what the Pancakes tried. You budgeted and paid what you had to pay to get elite talent, then you did the best you could to fill in the remaining holes. Sure, no one’s going to argue your team is deeper than Derek’s, but if your team clicks, you could really go 11-2. The Pancakes simply can’t. I admire the approach, regardless of the outcome. You’re in it to win it. That said, I do have a major problem with how you spent that last $46. I mean, you basically had a super-team in the making, and all you needed were two reliable WRs without question marks. Maybe one in the $16-18 range, and another in the $13-15 range. Then grab a cheap QB, fill out the bench with some $1s, and pray to avoid injuries. The strategy doesn’t always work, but sometimes it does. The thing is, you staked your fortune on Golden Tate at $14 and then Drew Brees at $15. I know Breezy is great and certainly proven, but if you’re down to pinching those pennies and you don’t have a WR3 yet, that ain’t the time to drop 50% of your remaining funds on a QB. Tate also bothers me. Marvin Jones is making some serious waves, and people have been saying he’s supplanted Tate as the Lions WR1. If that’s true, and you’re stuck with Tate in the Angels’ WR2 slot, you’re in some trouble. I love that you grabbed Desean Jackson for $4 soon thereafter, but relying on him as your WR3 is scary. Your WR2 might be beat out by Marvin Jones, and your flex is going to cycle between Crowell and Jackson. Compared to other peoples’ flex positions: Thomas, Maclin, Rawls/Gordon, Cooks, Jordy, hell even Danny Woodhead, the Angels are way behind. You want to get into the championship contending tier, find a waiver claim to fix that flex. Best Move: I already mentioned this a lot, but I love that you got Charles to pair with David Johnson. You’ve locked down the best RB pair in the league, even if there isn’t a ton of depth behind. Doesn’t matter. If those two can stay upright and running hard, you’ll win plenty of games just on them and Gronk. That’s an advantage every single week, no matter the opponent. Worst Move: Falling into Tate at WR2 is just killing me. That is such a bad choice compared to similarly-priced talent. Donte Moncreif, Jordan Matthews, and Michael Floyd are all better options in my opinion, but we’ll have to see. If Tate doesn’t produce, you’re going to be scrambling big time. No one wants to see a WR2 – flex combo of Desean Jackson – Isaiah Crowell. Most “Northside Angels” Move: You took your strategy from last year and tried it again. Last year you got an expensive RB1 (Peterson --> Charles), a high-priced QB (Rodgers --> Brees), an elite TE option (Graham --> Gronkowski), TY Hilton ($33 --> $34) as your WR1, and a WR2 that is at risk for losing his job (Mike Wallace --> Golden Tate). Except the difference now is, you have David Johnson as your second RB. I have a feeling it’ll work better this time around. Twin City Tree CatsTwin City Tree Cats (Bootleg Division) Dan, first of all I’ve got to give you props for having the stones to avoid keepering Jeremy Langford. I was worried you’d fall into a trance staring at his estimated auction value and make a snap-decision to keeper him for $6. You didn’t. Good call. The two-year angle of our keeper league keeps things more interesting, in my opinion. There’s more risk and more strategy involved. You have to be smart and play it cool, looking ahead. At this time next year, Jeremy Langford will not be the starting RB for the Chicago Bears. You avoided a Montee Ball situation where next year you would pay $11 for a $1 player, and the value you would have saved in this year’s draft would only be about $10 anyway! Like Tibby, I admire your tenacity in going after Le’Veon Bell. You went for the moon. Unfortunately, I think it ended up being the wrong call, and you went too far. You paid $63 for a guy who is going to miss four (including bye) of the thirteen regular season games. With that, you have a serious risk of not making the playoffs. In four of thirteen weeks, you’re basically fielding a team that had only 2/3 the draft budget of everyone else. That’s a huge disadvantage. Are you going to be able to overcome that to make the playoffs, which is when you would reap the Le’Veon Bell rewards? That’s debatable. Pairing him with AJ Green is a nice get. He’ll get peppered with targets, and I think he’ll end up very near a Top-5 WR. Latavius Murray was an appropriate if unspectacular RB2 option at $24. I like that call. But you didn’t get his backup DeAndre Washington, so we'll see how that goes. Murray has the gig for now. Grabbing Danny Woodhead for an RB3 is another fine choice. $8 is definitely fair, and I imagine he’ll own your flex spot for most of the year. The issue, like the Northside Angels, is how you filled out your remaining WR spots once you got one elite talent. Kelvin Benjamin, to me, might have been the most overpriced WR in the entire draft. I wouldn’t pay $8 for him. He was the beneficiary of tons of targets in his rookie year, but the thing was, he wasn’t actually that effective as a real-life WR. Then he tore his ACL, and his “replacement” Devin Funchess had a very promising rookie season. Camp reports are saying that Funchess is taking the WR1 job away from Benjamin, which seems more than possible due to his mediocre game and subsequent injury. John Brown is the WR3 behind Benjamin, and he’s having tons of concussion-related issues. He was consistent as can be last year, but if he can’t get on the field, what good is he? Tyler Lockett might have to save your bacon, which I could believe. Until Bell comes back, you’re going to be spread really thin. Considering you’re going to need extra help in these first four weeks, I thought it was odd to devote a roster spot to Eifert. That’s a head scratcher. Best Move: Phillip Rivers for $1 is a great deal. Whether you end up streaming or not, he’s a smart option for cheap. His pricetag allowed you to grab some of that depth that you’re going to be relying on until Bell returns, which is the only reason you’ve got a chance to win any of those games. If you had bought Brees for $15 for example, I think you’d go 0-3. Worst Move: Paying $4 for Gostkowski is inexcusable when you’re planning on spending $63 and $46 on your top two guys alone. It’s even worse when you don’t have the head-start of having good keepers. You could have taken the extra $3 you spent on him, combined it with what you paid for Ajayi ($4), and instead gotten one of the bargain-bin starting RBs like Rashad Jennings or TJ Yeldon. Ajayi might do nothing at all. Most “Twin City Tree Cats” Move: Spending $63 on a guy that can’t play for the first three weeks, $4 more on a guy that can’t play for at least the first month, as well as a total of $4 extra dollars on Gostkowski and the Bengals DST. You’re basically just saying, “Fuck it! We’ll do it live!” Vicious Veg-HeadsVicious Veg-Heads (Bootleg Division) Congrats, Dan. You’ve completed your first fantasy football draft! And you have a pretty decent team to show for it. I know not everything went according to your plan (which I can write confidently because Dan and I talked about it), but I think you did a good job of putting pieces together. Let’s start with the fun bit, shall we? Those WRs. Holy smokes. When Sammy Watkins is your third WR, you’re doing aight. You started with Mike Evans and Sammy Watkins as keepers, a duo that could already rival nearly any other duo in our league, but then you went out and spent $38 to bring in Jordy Nelson. The Packers schedule this year is a cakewalk, and I think if Jordy can show some of his old swagger, he’ll make it into the Top-10. With one of those three WRs in your flex every week, you’re going to be winning the flex. The thing is, the draft moved a little quick at that point, and maybe, just maybe, the rookie got swept up. RBs flew off the board like lightning (especially due to the Outlaws, the Mullynation, and the Putters taking two each, on top of all the keepers that were gone), and all the sudden Matt Forte seemed like the only RB left. I’ve got no beef with Forte. I think he’ll string together a fine season, probably end up somewhere around RB16, and he’ll look fine. But he’s not a workhorse anymore, his team is splitting him with Powell, and also, he’s older! He’s not remotely a sure bet. His valuation was around $22. I had him at $24 personally, but most places I looked had lower. You’d budgeted more for an RB1, but now the elite options were gone. You had to spend the money somehow, so you figured you’d change your plan and go for an elite QB to spend the money. That’s good thinking. In a moment, Cam was yours. Forte would get nominated soon. And then he was. That fervor set in, and you were not going to lose Forte. You ended up paying a whopping $36 for him, just two fewer dollars than Lesean McCoy! There’s a time to hold ‘em and a time to fold ‘em, and when you’ve crossed that $30 threshold with Matt Forte, it’s time to reconsider and look for Demarco Murray, Melvin Gordon, etc. You’ve got to adjust that budget on the go. The kicker is, in between Cam Newton and Matt Forte, AJ Green was nominated and sold for $47. If you had budgeted for an RB1 that was now nonexistent, that’s the kind of action you’ve got to take. Grab a blue-chip guy and flip him later. If the RBs are gone, let them be gone. Don’t pay a blue-chip price on another guy just because the other ones are bought already. See who’s left, acquire assets people will want, and get your RB1 three days after the draft through trade. Yeah, you might have to sweeten the deal a little more than you would if you bought him straight up, but wouldn’t you feel better if you bought Green for $47, flipped him to me for Eddie Lacy and Corey Coleman? Isn’t that better than paying $36 for a $22 player? I guess it’s up to you. I mean it’s not like I’d ever part with my boy Lacy, regardless. Anyway, changing strategies to spend more at QB and TE was good. I like your choices. Cam and Delanie will take some pressure off Forte and Jeremy Hill, and obviously your WRs will give you a nice cushion every week. Once Josh Gordon comes back, you’re going to be in a prime WR-dealing position. Maybe there’s your chance to grab that RB1. Best Move: I love the aggressiveness in getting Josh Gordon. He was probably the most valuable player in the draft at that point, and you spent what you needed to spend to get him locked up. He gives you flexibility to deal a blue-chip WR eventually and barely feel the sting. At that point, you had plenty of money, and you didn’t sit on it. Worst Move: Pretty obviously it would be the overpay for Forte, but I’ve beaten that horse to death. On a much, much smaller note, I hate the Devante Parker for $3 pick. I think he’s incredibly overrated, and he’s getting beaten out by Kenny Stills. I just don’t get what people see in him. I think he’ll end up being a complete non-factor this year. Most “Vicious Veg-Heads” Move: Choosing not to keeper Cam Newton for $13, then eventually buying him for $30 anyway. League-Wide ReportAlright, I know this is what you jackals are looking for. Here's your fix. You're all a bunch of degenerates. Enjoy bickering over these power rankings and such. If you have a problem with where I've put you, just type up a text outlining your points (briefly please!!!), and then throw your phone right in the toilet, you goddamn moron. This is my blog.
Best Draft Move Overall: I would give it to the Sims for $1 pick, but that might be talked about in a moment… Instead I’ll give it to Marvin Jones for $9. I think Jones has the ability and opportunity to be an elite-tier WR2, ending up right around WR#12 or WR#13. I believe in him that much. He’s in an offense that throws non-stop, he’s reportedly become Stafford’s favorite target, and he’s also the main red-zone threat. He is going to catch a lot of balls. This is a very valuable asset here, Hayden. I would have paid a lot more for him if I hadn’t spent it all on Gordon. Also in consideration, Mr. Crabtree, though I hate to say it. Worst Draft Move Overall: Probably could see this coming, but this goes to the Big City Hillbillies for bungling the roster spaces at the end of the draft. The Hillbillies basically lost out on an RB#30~ish player for absolutely no reason. The funniest part is that BCH properly budgeted for it, but it was something else that brought him down. If anything happens to Doug Martin, you may as well etch “The Mullynation” on the trophy right now. Sims becomes an RB1 overnight. Power Rankings:
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By: Hayden HansonMr. Hayden Hanson (Editor in Chief) is an Accountant-extraordinaire, as well as an aspiring writer. He has written several moderately-successful self-help books, the most famous of which is "What Do You Mean You Can Smell My BO?" Gustav Travers of the New York Times praised the book as "A vulnerable, courageous look into the mind of a man who has literally no sense that other people exist. And also no sense of smell. Nope, he definitely doesn't have that either. Just musk, like a hog that's gotten into the cabbage." Archives
September 2019
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