Soooooooooooo guess who is back? Your good old Editor in Chief!! We have seen a lot of creativity the past week or so with a celebrity from the one and only Chris Hanson (with an “o”). You know him best for works on Game of Thrones, Presidents Cup, and my personal favorite “Do I really have to say it? Uh… ‘Please Take a Seat’” . On top of this unique and out of the ordinary post, we had another celebrity appearance from our Red Zone League’s own Commander and Chief. Who somehow managed a masterpiece added to the blog earlier during his busy schedule. So that being said, this won’t be too creative and will be mediocre at best. However, it will have the facts and the analysis. It’ll get to the point and focus on mistakes compared to bold moves. Because we all know that it’s the mistakes that haunt you weekly in Fantasy Football and some may even haunt you the rest of the season… Weekly Recap Northside Angels (141) over Troll Hunters (105) Let's start things off my saying stop playing dirty you so called "angels". What's the deal with telling Jordy to get only 1.4 points and giving me false hope that I might actually break my current losing streak. Then you have your starting "angels" spare no mercy and dominate your opponents. My only win from a positional battle was DST and DP (and Jordy who NSA told to Jordy to underperform). You surely can't win games with matchups like that. I was given hope all weekend that this was the week I was going to begin to turn this around but my ray of sunshine turned to storms Sunday evening. There was no ray of sunshine left Monday knowing that once again the battle was lost… Overall, though NSA keeps his momentum rolling with another comfortable win. Only real discussion point for NSA is why his players didn't get 15-20 points a given week and as such, there isn't much to talk about. Jordy had a rough week but I am assuming this won't be a normal occurrence by any means. Trolls Hunters is actually not too exciting either. My team got me 100 pts which is kinda the norm these days. He better be hopeful that Doug Martin remains sidelines for a few more weeks because he needs all the help he can get at RBs. Not to say his WRs have been producing lately but at least we know that have this year. He RBs on the other hand are currently looking like Trolls… Hopefully they can become the hunters soon and save this from spiraling down the drain. Indian Outlaws (98) over 90* Putters (89) I don't even want to talk about how bad this game was… I understand that Zek was on a bye but you really dodged a bullet. I mean Mike Davis had only like 1 run and it happened to be a TD. Everyone else on your bench was below 1 pt primarily because injuries are plague this bench. It's tough to add fill ins when you have no spots to put these players on your team. IOS also had a DST that got annihilated by the hottest new talent Ajayi… that wasn't expected but almost cost him a win. He had average output from Bell (because let's be honest 18 pts is avg for him) and solid work from Cooks and Tyrell Williams. This is the reason IOS was somewhat competitive this week without one of his Stars. I don't expect this to happy often and 90* missed a golden opportunity to beat a weakened IOS. On the other hand, 1.7 pts combined from your RB1-2 will lose you games as it did here for 90*. However, it's not like he had better options. His only reliable RB has a ailing shoulder and one was on the brink of retiring… (definitely surprised but not really). His only hope was a 20+ pt game from his WRs to cover his poor RB performance. Cobb started strong but Sanders was only average… Average won't beat IOS (unless you are Le'vion). It was actually somewhat interesting knowing that 90* had a chance unlike his brother noted above. IOS is happy because a win is a win and the older of the two Hanson brothers failed to defeat the weakened IOS. IOS has another week against the younger Hanson brother who has a somewhat weakened team himself. We shall see if IOS can keep his streak going or if TH can break both streaks (IOS winning and TH's losing streak). Boy Toyz 3 (101) over Suzy's Pancakes (95) I really don't know how Boy Toyz 3 actually winning and tied for first at that. I am his QB got 15, RB2 7, WR2 2, Flex 3, you shouldn't win with this. However, you got the TD king Melvin Gordon and the AJ green, giving you a combined 60 points. Anyone can win, with two players with scores like that. However, he does have Latavius Murray who it was looking like he was going to losing his starting role. That might have changed this past week and this could add a some depth to this RB squad. Kelvin was on a bye so I understand starting the hot Cameron Meredith, but you dodged Suzy this week with two all start performances. You've basically put yourself in a great spot to make the playoffs this year and this win puts you that much closer. Good work Boy Toyz good work indeed. Suzy's pancakes on the other hand had a few killers on bye which forced him to start Zach Zenner (Ouch) but actually turned out okay. Everything here is average compared to Boy Toyz which was horrible but two saving graces. I guess the strategy here is to bust on all players except two. 90* putters tried that approach but missed when sanders didn't put out being the other super star for him. Suzy's pancakes is similar to Troll Hunters, he's players have been okay but nothing like they started the season. We'll see as we make the turn into the 2nd half of the season whether or not he can turn things back around to earn one of those playoff spots. There are 2 spots for 6 teams at either 3-4 or 2-5… everyone has a chance to make the "Show". Some have a easier route then others based on byes and remaining schedule but I am saying everyone has a chance, so don't give up just yet anything could happen this 2nd half of the season. A Cornell Education (137) over River Gypsies (104) This matchup was basically ACE rubbing the trade win over RGs using Murray and Crabtree to show RGs his place at the bottom of the league. Now that being said, there are 3 teams at 2-5 and 3 more teams at 3-4. So like I said before, everyone still has a statistical chance of making the playoffs but also being the worst team in the league. We know the name change for Suzy's pancakes gave him a initial boast of motivation but that has since died down bring him back to earth in the middle of the pack. Back to the matchup though, ACE used his newly acquired talent to earn win number 2 as they put up 2 of the top 3 points on his team (each around 20 pts.) On the other hand, RGs used DeAndre Hopkins to provide a measly 6.8 points which is 3rd worst on his team. Needless to say, if this trade didn't occur, RGs would be in a lot better position right now. RGs had a mediocre week similar to Pancakes and THs. ACE, had a few studs show up and bring home the victory. No one on either bench would've changed the outcome as Gio and Rodgers did well if played, but no mix up of bench players by RGs would've earned him a win this week. Overall, its always fun playing a team you traded with, however, it only stays fun if your new players play well or you win. Neither of those happed for RGs so this is turning into another Jordy/Charles trade stealing wins away from the losing party. Vicious Veg-Heads (139) over The Mullynation (127) - Title Fight The veg heads are alive and are ready to begin part 2 of the season. Quick trade recap though since we have another trade battle this week. We have a Allen Robinson/Blount match up against Mike Evans. 28 points for Robinson/Blount (all from Blount) and 26 from Evans. Basically, Mullynation didn't lose this game because of her trade. She also gained Devontae booker who is expected to get more time out in the mile high city. However, Veg Heads was ready to fight against the queen bee and she wasn't prepared for his full force. She still put up around 130 points but she simply wasn't ready for the curse to come back. Now let me clarify, we I said Mully is back to her old self, I was referring to the curse where her opponents puts up their best score of the year. Her old self is also putting up 130+ pts which almost happened. The story line here though is that Veg Heads wanted a taste of what it feels like to be holding the "BELT" and all his players on the bench or not decided to score mad points this week. So the is really nothing Mully could have done this week. The worst thing to know is that her curse has be reinstated by Dan Wanous after Dan Rosenthal broke the curse weeks ago. We all thank you for your selfless deed Veg-Heads and we appreciate you making Mullynation mortal again. The spark that Veg Heads needed was the Jay Ajayi push and the retirement of Foster this past week has solidified his role even more (not that 400+ yds in two games wouldn't do that anyway). Forte seems to be back on track at least for the time being. If Robinson can turn this around this team can make the most miraculous run to the playoffs that we have yet to see in the Red Zone league. The 2nd half of the season is underway and we'll see if Mully can once again shake this curse and get her RBs back on track. McCoy and his lingering injury won't help matters but the emergence of Booker could be her saving grace. For now, we know that the BELT is in the hands of a hard working farmer who has burned plenty of healthy crops over the past few weeks. He seems to have figured out a good mix of players but we'll see if he can keep this up for weeks to come now that the BELT is hanging over his shoulder each and every week going forward. Power Rankings - Week 8 1. NorthSide Angels 5-2 (+1) One thing this team isn't missing is RBs. He's got two starting RB1s and plenty of depth at the RB2 with James White, Crowell, etc. Solid WRs as well with TY Hilton and Jordy… Topping it off with Breezy and Gronk puts him is a pretty solid spot at the top of the list. 2. The Mullynation 5-2 (-1) I have Mullynation drop a spot because of McCoy (her old reliable the first half of the season) has since questioned his reliability. She has his handcuff which is a bonus and who has a new starting RB Booker with CJ return 5-7 weeks at best... She easily has the potential to jump back up next week. The unknown with her RB2 situation forced to down a spot, but by no means is she scraping by. Plenty of depth for now gives her a top 2 spot on this list for week 2. 3. Twin City Tree Cats 5-2 (+2) I can't believe I am saying this but I like a number 3 twin city tree cats for week 8. No bye problems and some easy matchups for Christine Michael and AJ Green. Enough depth at RB to survive byes and a injury if worst comes to worst. Quality WR with Green and Benjamin with the flyer Pryor in his flex. Yah you are starting Palmer which is worrisome but he's better than Rivers against Denver (that's basically a another bye week right there). Overall, I expect a solid week for the TC2s who earned them the number 3 spot. 4. Big City Hillbillies 2-5 (+4) Yah yah, BCH is 2-5 but he shouldn't be, his team is ready for the 2nd half of the season with one weak spot in Gio. Gio could be a solid RB2 as he is looking better then Hill. But that is always true and Hill still remains the RB1 in Cinci… However, his WR are still producing above and beyond any other taem. Julio and Crabtree are doing work. With D Thomas still a top 15 WR. I still expect Cooper (my man) to start capitalizing on this red zone targets but we have a solid WR core giving him the number 4 spot. 5. Indian Outlaws 5-2 (-2) You had a horrible week last week only have 1 startable RB going into the waivers and found yourself a serviceable one. This week is no different with Bell on a bye but worse because ODB is MIA too. Would expect to regain some ground next week but as week 8 is considered, it's gonna be a battle. Maybe pull a TC2s and prove me wrong with your studs getting 30 points each. On second thought, how about you let me take care of that and you pull what you did last week one more time. The Troll Hunters would greatly appreciate that. 6. Vicious Veg-Heads 2-5 (+4)Veg-heads have earned the Title Belt which gives him the +1 ranking stat. Actually it really doesn't because Veg Heads earned this one. Yah he has his new RB1 on a bye but as we learned last week, any of his players can put up 20+ points, and don't remind Mullynation of that fact. 2 healthy RB1/2 and 3 above average WRs. Yah Robinson hasn't done anything and if can't do anything against Tennessee you should be worried. But at least this team has survived long enough to get back into the race. I won't be surprised if VV make a run for play off contention… but I wouldn't be surprised either if the Veg Heads pulls a Veg Head move. Hopefully only one (Jordy/Charles) is enough for you this year. 7. River Gypsies 2-5 (+2) Yah, based on the clip below, Hilter foretold your power ranking demise and you are now below Veg Heads on this weeks power rankings. Yah you were 6th in points last week, but that is still 6th. Your players are simply performing average and average isn't good enough anymore. Talk to Mully if you need some sympathy. Her average is 130 pts and she still can't win. That being said, you have a few tough matchups and a few generous ones. You lose this week to 90* and you are instantly going to be number 10. Watch out for his magic, it worked on IOS last week but 90* focused too much on the defensive magic and not enough boasting his own players. All I am saying is watch your back and maybe have a glass of Holy water before bed each night. 90* Putters finds ways to win without a full team, don't take this guy lightly... 8. Troll Hunters 3-4 (-4) Troll Tolls found himself with 3 startable RB1s or boardline RB2 (mainly lacy) Winter is coming for the Troll Hunters and the trolls are looking for revenge. One actual startable RB with a few other TD dependent options. If the "Quizz" can keep his job long enough to give Doug Martin the Boot that would be ideal. Seeing Martin ease back really slow for at least 3-4 weeks would be more realistically ideal. However, it's a week to week at this point. One week Dough Martin might take back his job leaving TH with a lone Gurely Man who has been flex material at best so far this season… This could be a long 2nd half of the season for these RBs. WRs are still performing average (sometime above/sometime below). They all need to start putting up big numbers to have a remote change against better team's at full strength. 9. Suzy's Pancakes 3-4 (-3) This is going to be a tough week for Suzy's Pancakes. Is main beacon of hope is on a bye and Riddick is only just starting to get back into practicing. Gore has been a decent RB2 and Stewart could come back strong from his bye. However, he has a number of WRs which are in that WR2ish-3ish range that could drag him down this week. He'll need all the help he can get playing this angry Mullynation team. That being said, VV was kind enough to bring back the curse. Maybe Suzy's will bring back some life lost after Bell reclaimed his throne. 140 pts for Suzy's, if that is the case, we definitely know Mullynation is cursed it has no intentions of leaving anytime soon. 10. 90* Putters 3-4 (-3) All I can say it ouch, I mean the only thing going right for 90* putters was his magic and Carlos Hyde. One of which failed him last week being injured but the 98 pts from IOS is definitely the work of magic (even with Zek on a bye). His RB situation is horrendous only getting slightly better with Jeremy Hill who is the most Roller Coaster player of our Decade. That being said, there is plenty of up side with Hill at least and a 1 pt game is okay when you know he could possibly get your 20. That is really not the case for West or Jones. Plenty of WR2s still on this team, even after losing Decker (wow that seems like forever ago) and don't forget his RB1 (AP). You work on the voodoo magic and knock RGs out of the running we will allow you to move up at least one spot. I promise you that!! Predictions Troll Hunters over Indian Outlaws: Marshals will walk all over the Browns
Big City Hillbillies over Vicious Veg-Heads: DThomas time to shine 90* Putters over River Gypsies: #Sorcerer will prevail Twin City Tree Cats over Northside Angels: Gordon/Michael over Johnson/Ware Mullynation over Suzy Pancakes: Rookies ready to play (Gillslee/Booker)
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It’s celebrity blog post time! With your very own celebrity and GM of the mystical 90* Putter! I was recently in London for work and will be in London again for fun. I’m in a England mood so that’s where our story takes us!
Gather ‘round children and listen a story about the lords and ladies of grand ole England and the powerful houses that ruled the nation years and years ago. Back then, there was no “fantasy football”, “computers” or punishments called “cereal chug”. Charles II of England originated what was to be called the “sport of kings” which continues to remain popular ranking top four or five in terms of current media coverage. Now I’m slightly fuzzy on the details but after researching COUNTLESS leather bound books I’ve become an amateur expert on the subject so please assume everything is correct. This story begins at Ascot for British Champions Day (actually last weekend) where the summer championship series concludes allowing the houses to give their champions a well needed rest prior to the winter campaign. Now this is where the fuzzy details come in, from what I’ve read the summer and winter campaigns of the Sport of Kings is the only “honest” way for the houses to earn money, supplies and honor for their family and their territory of rule. With only so much land, food, and supplies and it was obvious that some houses began becoming far more superior leaving others at the bottom. At daybreak, the houses began the slow walk toward the arena for the day’s contests. As with tradition, the elite houses were lead first receiving the highest praise and attention. First up were the “Elites”, led by the consistently impressive Duchess Mullynation and followed quickly by Viceroy Northside. After the Elites parties had entered, a small parade which was generously provided by Mullynation followed celebrating last week’s victory. The middle-class families began with the ever feuding bothers Earl Caddyshack and Earl Trolljegeren who walked side by side after disagreements on the order outside the gate. After a terrible first month, Landgrave Redface followed stoically allowing nothing to distract his quest to continue his winning streak. The lower-class families brought up the rear beginning with Baron Cadet. Last year was tremendously shameful for this family. The year ended with no food and no supplies requiring Baron Cadet to embarrassingly sell his naming rights for one year as a comical joke to the former Prince Gypsy. In respect of the large sum of money provided to Baron Cadet he will hence be referred to as Baroness Pancake. Sir VegHead the vicious knight came next with his small gang of misfits. Sir VegHead has joined the campaign for the first year after Baron Spence disappeared under mysterious circumstances. He has found it difficult to acquire land in order to warrant a higher ranking title. Finally the most noble hedge knight you’ve ever seen WALKED in last after an embarrassing week. Losing almost everything he owns Sir Hillbilly has struggled gambling away to the lowest of the low classes. One minor victory is overshadowed by some of the toughest losses. His fight has been strong but his challengers have fought stronger. Surly the king has been cruel allowing for possibly weaker houses (Earl Caddyshack) to enjoy more success. Those are the top 8 lords, ladies and knights leading into British Champions Day. Two houses humiliating left out of the entry parade were Viscount Puma and Sir Gypsy who were required to arrive 2 days early their entire hosts in motley for such embarrassingly pathetic losses the week before. After a night of feast and celebration for those 8 houses of honor, the day of competition begins with 5 contests held with two houses pitted against each other. Each contest is slightly different with number of champions and duration of challenge. Possible contests are 2 5v5 halves or 1 10v10 royale. It can be long or short and they are entirely unpredictable. Since I don’t have all day I’ll highlight each event and the most important champions. Landgrave Redface and Sir Hillbilly were drawn a 10 v 10 royale. It was a short contest with the result known soon after it began. The purebred Giant Odell Beckham was let free providing the fans a spectacular show. The 0-year old Elliot and powerful Bell continued to show success with their late finishing speed on turf. Sir Hillbilly was overpowered and overmatched. The champions chosen for today’s contest almost didn’t make it out alive. They were all literally trampled by their opponents with only Julio providing any hope for future success. This was an embarrassment requiring a humiliating early arrival next week. The other embarrassment for the week was a Viceroy Northside flexing his muscles against Baroness Pancake. An odd format, 2 different contests with a 4 v 7 and then 6 v 3. As the 4 Northside champions prepared in their stalls, their 7 challengers appeared confident. As the contest began all champions charged towards their final goal. Brees and Johnson were neck and neck vying for top honors. Stafford and Stewart had respectable showing doing their best to avoid embarrassment. Brown pulled up early to avoid contact in the center. Eventually Hilton, Nelson, Brown, Hauschka causally picked up the pieces after the hard work was done. They strode to what was another embarrassment which was almost avoided. Now Earl Caddyshack and his house are the biggest question marks in England and the Duchess always prepared. Back to the Earl, no one knows how/why he still has land and power. He shows up (sometimes) with his band of misfits and half the time comes out ahead. He was once drunk on the golfcourse, didn’t show up to the event and only fielded 10 champions and WON! He’s definitely one of those shady characters who might be fixing events or doing some illegal activities to keep his land/status. Now looking at the days challenge it’s surprising that Earl Caddyshack avoided embarrassment. Not sure what happened if darkhorse West saved the day or if the Duchess was sympathetic in sparing the Earl. I’m calling mischief. Causing extreme trouble would have been too obvious but it was THAT bad of performance where any he must have saved himself somehow. The Duchess’s champions were strong with Shady and Luck riding side by side. They charged down Smith and Hyde who were off to an early lead. The Duchess remains strong and well-fortified for the weeks to come. Viscount Puma and Sir VegHead’s contest was a muddy mess. Most would’ve called it slop and the champions suffered. Reshad Jones was almost put of his misery after injuring a limb. The brown 4-year old Pryor showed good positioning and body control even with the 9 ½ hand frame. Flashes of brilliance from Michael “won from a claiming event” and consistent speed rounding out the field lead to an average victory. The VegHeads are looking for anything to save a terrible first half but Newton eased up and no other champions appear to be front runners. The middle distance was too hard to cover and no one was able to travel 1 furlong. It will be another lean week for Sir VegHead. The final race of the day featured the Earl Trolljegeren and Sir Gypsy. Sir Gypsy was fallen hard since obtaining Prince last season for a brilliant year. Times are now tough as Prince Gypsy had his heart stolen by Princess Peach and long with it his land and honor. All year Sir Gypsy has fallen from Prince, to Duke to Earl to Knight after betting week after week on lofty exotic bets. The champions take their places one by one in the stalls. This is a sprint so we’ll know the end very soon. Sir Gypsy holds on to his box of trifecta bets. All bets have Lamar Miller for Win with every possible combination setting up Place and Show. Earl Trolljegeren took a conservative route max betting show bets for Brady, Gurly, Anderson and Marshall. He needed to win all three but only caught 1. The odds on favorite Brady took second which was almost tripling his money on that single horse. The other 3 started fast and faded quickly none showed the finishing speed to match Jeffery and Hopkins. Millar took first and Jeffery and Hopkins finished next for Place and Show. He hit his trifecta but it was in the order published this morning. A modest prize will be won but not enough to double his wager. The Earls conservatism allowed him to lose little in the fight. For either to move up bigger gambles will need to be taken. Was that that last race or wait contest confusing? Maybe but maybe not. The “sport of kings” is horse racing so I tried to sprinkle in as many horse terms as possible. Now let’s get back to the story. With the weekly races over let’s check the odds for the year-end championship. Duchess Mullynation (1/1): at 5-1 the Duchess remains strong with her stampede of triple crown quality horses. With newly acquired jockeys Charles and Evans I do not see her slowing down. With RB trouble a short term concern a 1 and 1 week 7 and 8 could happen but won’t result in much concern Viceroy Northside (3/2): David Johnson on his massive black stallion will always be the single favorite. Ware continues to show a late kick on good finishing speed but Charles scares me. Only concern is can this consistency across the board continue Landgrave RedFace (3/1): After acquiring some proven winners injury issues will require him to run some untested maidens. Look to see if these newcomers can run with the big boys (and phillys) Earl Trolljegeren (5/1): The purebred Brady will surely add constancy for top times and fast races. Not sure who invited the ram to the horse races but he looks slow and below par. Jones, Marshall and Cooper should normally have a few furlongs between the three of them each week Viscount Puma (5/1): after recovering well from embarrassment the jockeys should be in good form leading into week 7. Quick starts are needed but more importantly are even runs. You don’t need to Win to get paid. Getting Places and Shows each week will keep the Viscount above 50% and safely in triple crown contention Baroness Pancake (7/1): with one triple crown winner Brown enjoying a strong season other jockeys need to help the Baron(ess) win some exotics. With a team like this an exotic is one of the only ways he’s going to win. 100 $1 trifectas should be bought and hopefully you catch a winner that pays out big. Johnson, Gore, Matthew. Earl Caddyshack (10/1): can’t use your tricks to cheat a win every week. Somehow the Earl has drawn injury ridden RedFace this week. If it’s a sprint he’ll have a chance. Sounds like he’ll be better Daily Doubles with West and Jones strong week 6 runs. Not sure why he’s starting a Bronco and having Sanders ride bareback… Sir Hillbilly (10/1): again… not sure why he’s starting a bronco on bareback. This is horse racing people! He’s got a win-place bet on Kendricks/MIN DST. That could pay out big if it hits. Baron Gypsy (12/1): the newly named Baron won enough last week to promote himself to Baron. That could very well disappear next with his go big or go home attitude. Wilson Freeman Jeffrey are some expensive bets that have proven to win big or lose big Sir VegHead (15/1): has won some claims last week to improve the middle distant races. He’s preparing for slop and tough weather. He might have the horses but can he choose the right riders. Howard, Ajayi, Blount, Forte, Hill have all shown they can cover a quarter of a quarter-mile. Next week at Doncaster: Duchess Mullynation (1/10) v Sir VegHead (7/1) Landgrave Redface (1/1) v Earl Caddyshack (2/1) Baron Gypsy (3/2) v Sir Hillbilly (2/3) Baroness Pancake (3/1) v Viscount Puma (1/4) Viceroy Northside (1/3) v Earl Trolljegeren (2/1) Appreciate all the views and reads. Cheers! Well, what a week. 2 teams beaten by 50+ points. That means 2 teams renamed. 1 team was even beaten by twice their own score. Mad points were scored this week with the sole exception of the Veg-Heads who put their trust in the rookie Lynch (who just squeeked in under 50 by 0.8 points). No other team scored below 90 points. Anyways, to some fun trivia. Can you tell me what fantasy player is ranked number 6 overall? They average 19.6 PPG and only have one game below 10 points so far. They currently outscore Julio Jones, Antonio Brown, Ezekiel Elliot, and many other fantasy studs. The only non-QBs who outscore this mystery fantasy player are Demarco Murray and David Johnson (heyo!). Do you know who? Because I bet you weren’t thinking it was the Vikings D/ST. That’s right. The 6th best fantasy “player” is a team defense. The Vikings have been dominant this year so far. Shutting down top WRs, smacking QBs around, and racking up a monstrous turnover differential. It’s nuts. They are a full 5.3 PPG better than the #1 defense last year (Denver Broncos). And they were picked up off the waiver wire! That’s right. Undrafted. And yeah, I know you might say a lot of defenses often go undrafted, but let’s take a look at who was drafted anyways. Now, you can take a look at that and see it’s kind of crapshoot. But quite a few good moves were made to pick up the Broncos, Cardinals, Seahawks, and Texans. But even though most of us are Vikings fans none of us went with the homer pick of the Vikings D until Evan moved just before the season. And even he has benched them a couple of those weeks (much to my thanks). That move, if it carries though, has the potential to be one of the best moves of the season (oddly enough the pick up of Matt Ryan also by the Hillbillies is looking brilliant). Because Evan spent zero dollars on the sixth best fantasy scorer. Murray was $17, Brees was $15, Carr was $1, and David Johnson ($6 – keeper). Whew. How bout that Vikings defense! Wrap UpNorthside Angels (124.1) vs. 90° Putters (95.8) The fantasy black hole that is the Putters has been defeated in Week 5. The team with the lowest PA (368.7) faced the second highest PF team of the Red Zone. And as any good head coach knows, the team who scores more points by the end of the match-up wins. Northside Angels started out strong with a monstrous showing by his stud David Johnson. 30 hard-earned points that could have been even more if Arians pulled his head out of his ass and ran the ball more often. The Angels followed up this monstrous outing with a fairly pedestrian week. Hilton put up mad points to help out the team but after that it was pretty average. Jordy showed he still is on an anemic Packers offense and both Crowell and McKinnon had poor weeks. The lack of depth at RB could very well be the undoing of the Angels. But Gronk was back. He put up a respectable 13.4. Hopefully he gets some more red zone looks because Bennet had 30 goddamn points that could have gone to Gronk! The Putters also had a pretty good night on Thursday. Hyde is showing that he is a solid RB1 with his 20.4 points. Dalton also had a decent day on Sunday with 22.2. But after that the Putters seemed to suffer the quasi-black hold that the Angels exhibit against their opponents. Only Barnidge scored more than 10 points of the remaining starters. The worst play was Fuller over Cobb. How anyone can start WRs against the Minnesota Vikings defense boggles my mind. The Mullynation (144.5) vs. Boy Toyz 3: Muddy and Free (92.9) Mullynation had another monstrous game this week. It truly appears the curse is broken. And the Boy Toyz 3 felt the full wrath of the ‘Nation. Mullynation had respectable games from every player this week besides her WRs. Landry and the bye week replacement of Woods scored less than 5 points each. But no worries! Because Adam Freakin’ Vinatieri decided to put the team on his back with a giant 23 points. What a beast. This was helped by the Cardinal amazing 23.5 points this week. That is $1 well spent. The pickup of Jordan Howard has the potential to be pretty amazing for the future. The Boy Toyz are really missing the work of Bell this week especially with Pryor and Gordon putting up an equal number of points scored. Should a stuck with the Bell! The only real bright spot for Boy Toyz this week was a respectable 24.4 points by Phillip Rivers. But that is not gonna cut it when Gordon and Hunter Henry are the only ones scoring above 10 points. Hopefully your Seattle players coming off bye week help out! Indian Outlaws (183.9) vs. Princess Peach-O’s (91.5) The Outlaws truly appear to be back. And they made a statement to start their Steelers Age. They fucking doubled the Princess Peach-O’s score. What a massacre. And the Peach-O’s scored 91.5 points. So it wasn’t like they shat the bed. The Outlaws just dominated across the board. The Outlaws had 2 players score less than 10 points. One of them was the proverbial DP player so that’s fine. The only real “bad” play was putting in Brate instead of sticking with Bennet for TE. Brate only scored 4.3 points. But who freaking cares when the lowest scorer other than Ogletree was Mason Crosby at 12 points. ODB was at 14.1. The Bills D/ST was at 19.9 and was tied with Bell. And up and up and up to Elliot with 30.6 points. The Outlaws had more players score above 20 points than they had players score below 10. Throw in the close to 20 pointers and that is 6 players at 19 points or more to 4 players below 15 points. Just a monstrous week. The Peach-O’s just picked a really bad week to play the Outlaws and an especially bad week to bet on the mouth cereal bowl (can’t wait to see the video!). Overall a respectable week with a neat 91.5 points. Lamar Miller again shows that one shouldn’t start fantasy players against the Vikings (Hopkins only did ok because of the garbage time TD). He once again forgot to start the Fitzmagic! Trust in him, Gentry! Believe!! Suzy’s Pancakes (120.4) vs. Vicious Veg-Heads (71.2) The Veg-Heads did it! They squeaked under the 50 point loss! Wooh! Bless the work of Mike Evans! The disturbingly gooey Suzy’s Pancakes had a great weak put up by their players. Nothing spectacular but more than enough to beat the crap game the Veg Heads put up. Riddick has shown that he is the passing back to own in Detroit but who knows what will happen if Forsett ends up there. Greg Olsen threw up 22.6 points in a great showing in an embarrassing loss to the Bucs. All in all, the Pancakes weathered a storm with 3 of their players out for injuries and and another on bye. The Veg-Heads though. Dan! The informative text was heart felt. I really was rooting for your pick. But man o man. Nothing really went well for you. Lynch only put of 8.7 points, Forte only 7, and many other single digit starts. Even a bad negative score from the Texans D/ST (once again showing you shouldn’t start players versus the Vikings!). Benjamin and Evans put up respectable numbers but nothing enough to drag a cratering team to anything close to a victory. Troll Hunters (142.8) vs. Big City Hillbillies (114.3) The Hunters showed the Hillbillies who were the kings of the non-cityscapes. Tom Brady was back with a vengeance and just demolished the Browns. Long live the king. The Hunters wheeled and dealed to get the rampaging Tom Brady on their team. And it showed. 29.6 points is a good day for anyone. Combine that with 24.8 points from Amari Cooper and 21.4 points from Marshall and really only the Wheelers are going to be able to beat you. Nothing really to say here. Maybe hope that Eddie Lacy becomes viable in the future? But who knows with these Packers. The Hillbillies put up a valiant effort but once again left a ton of points on the bench. 83.8 points in total. Both Payne and Coleman put up 20+ points. Now, how much that would have helped him I don’t know. But I think it was fair to bench those players. Who knew the sickle-cell anemia wouldn’t affect Coleman? Literally no one. And that Panthers backfield is a mess. Just a tough break for the Hillbillies. I’m sure they will bounce back next week. Power Rankings1. The Mullynation (4-1) (-) The Mullynation continues to buck her previous curse and throws up another big game. Her team is looking solid overall and ensures their current standing in the rankings at the top. 2. Indian Outlaws (3-2) (+1) People keep trading the Outlaws good players for some reason, which justifies my belief that the only time to trade the Outlaws anyone should be when they are eliminated from the playoffs. The massive bomb the Outlaws just dropped on the league is something to be scared of. We’ll see if he can keep it up, but I weep for us if it continues. 3. Northside Angels (3-2) (-1) The Angels had another good week and continue their pretty high PF and low PA. This tenuous position near the top can change in an instant as the depth isn’t all that great. But Gronk is back and that makes it all ok! 4. Troll Hunters (3-2) (+1) The big scores helped buoy his weak standing from before. He needs to keep it consistent to justify the top 10 placement though. 5. Suzy’s Pancakes (3-2) (+2) A decent week shows the Pancakes are alive and well. The only downside to this week is that they went up against a pretty low scoring opponent. The RB situation still isn’t that great so it keeps them down in the middle. 6. 90° Putters (3-2) (+2) The practice of depending on your opponent having low scores only works when that happens. And this week shows it’s a bad strategy. Especially for next week. We will see if the black hole works against a resurgent Mullynation. 7. Boy Toyz 3: Muddy and Free (3-2) (+2) A valiant effort by the Tree Cats was not enough against the Mullynation. The moving up was more due to others moving down. Gonna need better scores to move up any more. From the dregs. 8. Big City Hillbillies (1-4) (-4) Falling mainly due to the record which is starting to count more and more. You put up good points but seem to be experiencing the Mullynation effect this year. This team will be one that fluctuates a lot. 9. Princess Peach-O’s (1-4) (-3) The drubbing you just received is the stuff of legend. You got doubled up son! The RBs and flex aren’t really doing the consistent thing but it’s mainly the record that drops you down this far. 10. Vicious Veg-Heads (1-4) (-) It just wasn’t your weak my man. Bad showing all around from a pretty weak lineup. Hopefully with Charles finally back and in full action will help stabilize things around a still pretty decent WR corp. Week 6 PredictionsNorthside Angels vs Suzy’s Pancakes
The Angels will secure a victory based around his WRs and Gronkowski. The Pancakes will see everyone not named Brown and Olsen have bad games against surprisingly good defenses. Troll Hunters vs. Princess Peach-O’s I see the Peach-O’s rising from the flames of their double drubbing and throwing up points on the Troll Hunters. Having his Houston players facing the Colts makes this just a too good matchup that will override some down play by Freeman. 90° Putters vs. The Mullynation The Black Hole Putters will feel the full wrath of the points juggernaut Mullynation this week. I foresee a 50-point game. Indian Outlaws vs. Big City Hillbillies The Outlaws will drop another big game on the Hillbillies, continuing that awful trend for the loveable country folk in the big city. I do expect a big game from Rodgers and DeMarco though. Boy Toyz 3: Muddy and Free vs. Vicious Veg-Heads In the hereby newly dubbed Points Bowl, we will see these two teams fight for the badge of worst scoring team in the league. The Veg-Heads will come out victorious on the backs of their Texans D that will eat Andrew Luck alive. It was a busy week at work this week so i wasn't able to be too creative this time. I'll find some new interns to boast the creativity in the coming weeks but I also have some ideas cooking up too for later in the year. But for now, let's just jump right into it. Weekly RecapBig City Hillbillies 145 over River Gypsies 107 This is the game that we all wanted to talk about… RGs had a legit chance of knocking down the Matt Ryan and JULIO!! You take back that trade: BCH - Backs out diggs and starts Hopkins and Yeldon puts him at around 128.7. If RGs moves Larry Fitz to WR2 and Murray to Flex (I'm pretty sure he loses by a point). He plays Steve Smith and wins, hands down. Honestly, this was the major F*** up trade this week. We had Veg Heads lose out week 3 based on their Trade and we have a potential win for RGs this week if he played his cards right. So who will be the biggest loser next week, is it going to be 90* but probably not with his magic. If I was a betting man, I would say TCTC with his Le'Veon trade for Gordon and Michaels. He also broke the Mullynation curse last week with his most recent comments about the curse being lifted… so I will be betting on Mullynation this next week hands down. Teaser: we are going bold predictions this week in the match-ups but because of this reason TCTC doesn't earn himself a bold pick. Enough about other stuff, this get back to this match-up. Julio and Matt Ryan killed it… and BCH stole the win right off his finger. So I am actually bored with this match-up so let's talk about the trade. 9 times out of 10 I probably would've traded Julio instead of Hopkins… I mean these next 2 match-ups along with week 4 (including around the playoffs) are tough. But Julio sure proved me wrong. Great play on your part, great play. I don't doubt Hopkins will pick up his output in the middle of this year, but it sure won't be next week against MN!! I am getting more nervous about this RB situation for RG, but with Tevin Colemon possibly unable to play in Denver due to the altitude, you should have two strong RBs this week (except you are challenged by 2 even stronger ones.). We'll keep track of this trade in coming weeks so don't you worry!! We'll constantly remind you that being the CHAMP (in 2015) doesn't mean anything and you could go 1-4 after 1/3 the season… But please, prove us wrong!! Or you know what… don't because it's more fun heckling the 2015 champion being near the bottom and is better for our ratings!! 90* Putters (100) over Troll Hunters 96 The worst part about losing to my Brother (90* Putters for those readers not familiar with our league) is not that fact that he beat me without starting a RB2 but that fact that he didn't man up to his own brother and play fair and square. Once again, you see 90* Putters resort to his dirty tricks causing me to put up my lowest score of the year and taunting me by only beating me by 3ish points. As my Rival and my brother, I expected better from you… You surely have mastered your skill earning you the lowest Points Against at around 370 or 20+ points from NSA who is also being given a free ride at around 390 points against. Needless to say this is the story book again this week. Overall, TH didn't have a horrible week but it's the same old story with poor QB and DST pick-ups that would've won the game. This combined to 12 points against 90* 26 from Bortles (first time TH has had a better DST then his opponent). Marvin Jones settled down after a 3 great starts, but overall it his top 4 RB/WR were double digits (rounding up) which is never a bad situation to be in. Strong performances from Bortles, Hyde, and Sanders provided a win but it was more of a game that TH had to lose. After 90* added sorcery to his RB2 spot this week we all knew it was over for TH. Best of luck NSA next week, may your holy angels cleanse the heart of your enemy to stop with his dirty tricks. Sorry for the short notice though, the curse might already be placed on David Johnson tonight. You better run to the SF and give DJ a water bottle with Holy Water, if not better luck next week because this is a fight you won't be able to win. Indian Outlaws (112) over Suzy’s Pancakes 109 Indian outlaws might look at this match-up and say “if only I had started Big Ben I would’ve smoke Suzy’s Pancakes” But my challenge to that is really? After he got 5 points the previous week and you picked up Stafford who has been pretty much on fire… doubt that. There is no question going forward you will not start Big Ben (unless there is an injury or what not). However, week 4, nah there is no chance. As well as no why you would’ve started Dorsett over Beckham, Cooks, or Christine… so you earned your 112 and it was top 5. BUUUUUUUUUT once again Suzy’s Pancakes lost this match up. Suzy’s P, did you really start a DST against the vikes??? I understand that our offense is okay but our defense is unstoppable which will give our offense a lot more chances to move the ball against other teams the Giants would face. All you need was a DST to earn you 3 points… 3 points and you would’ve won this game. You are almost as bad as TH picking DST this week. You could’ve take revenge on the family that Suzy now loathes… Not that they didn’t try, Brown and Olsen were consistent as ever and the injury to Palmer didn’t help. But IOS wide outs gave you a gift? His average RB (all 3) was 20 pts… and you could’ve easily beat him. Maybe next time Suz but I don’t think a chance like this will come back again. IOS did have great output from his RBs and his WRs should produce. Even though you should have lost due to Suzy’s DST choice you will move up in the power rankings and you earned it. I don’t expect this WR core to stay quiet long and Big Ben should be hot most weeks. So you dodge a bullet this week but a win nonetheless. Twin City Tree Cats 122 over Vicious Veg-Heads 85 This game was another one sided match-up with almost nothing going Veg-Heads way. I mean a solid performance from Kyle Rudolph is making himself a top 5 TE. You could also say that his DST did well compared to how most other teams DST performed. Other than that it was well below par… and not par in a good way. Forte hasn’t been able to reproduce his week 1-2 numbers and Hill couldn’t reproduce his week 3 numbers. Not too surprising but still it would be a little tough to be hopeful when you are trying to build your team back up and your supposed cornerstone is still injured. Cam did okay but did get a concussion which could definitely have a lasting impact if he is out a few weeks. Like I said, nothing was/is going well for the Veg-Heads right now. On the other hand, TC2 had almost everything go right. First week with Le’Veon and he shows up big along with a strong performance from his WRs. Poor performance from Gostkowski which was kinda a non-factor. One real concern is Latavius Murray who continues to be losing touches week by week. So the one big upside with his trade with IOS is that he should have gained another starting RB with Christine Michaels… but was it worth the RB1 overall. Only if Michaels remains a RB1 and Rawls doesn’t come back strong. If so, you just down graded your RB for nothing to a offense that is not very good. This is another situation that we will have to wait and see. For now it looks good on paper for TC2 as he gained two starting RBs for one. No complaints from me if that is the case. Overall, another one-sided match this week. The Mullynation (116) over Northside Angels (114) NSA, you were so close to continuing the curse of Mullynation… so so close. If KC would’ve just pounded it in with Ware on their last attempt you would be holding the BELT and be sitting pretty at 3-1… but nah, KC was like we want to give TH hope he can survive his brother magic. Overall, this game wasn’t won by Mullynation or lost by NSA, it was TC2 who broke the curse and unleashed Mullynation on all of us. As usual, she has the most points score in her favor and her only loss was by like 1 point in week 1. She is ready to play and not going to hold back anymore. She is like “What Curse?” My RB depth is now stacked with Jordan Howard and Ingram did work (even if Kuhn, who?, stole all his TDs). She can confidently say that her 116 was a “off week” and she is happy to have a win. Many teams can and have said that but not many teams can back it up like she can. NSA had a tough 1 point from DeSean Jackson but they were playing Cleveland this past week. So I wouldn’t blame myself for that choice one bit. It just wasn't in your cards to steal the BELT away this week. Mullynation has her hand grasped tightly around the BELT and she isn’t planning on letting go anytime soon. I still have plenty of concerns with Luck not getting hurt and Fleener ever seeing a TD again but outside of that she has a pretty solid team (that is producing) compared to the rest of the teams trying to catch up. NSA needs Gronk to come back now that Brady is back in business. NSA really did have a off week too and this was probably the best match-up of the week. It was a good fight that was fated to side with Mully after TC2 released her curse. Not to say it won’t come back but for now these two teams seem to be set up the best for success (at least for this week). Week 5 Power RankingsSince everyone knows each others team (except for all these trades the past three weeks) so enough about discussing each position on each team, we’ll talk about why they increase or decreased to make it less repetitive. 1. The Mullynation: 3-1 (-) Her top players produced along with additional bench support showed they could play. She is 3-1 and has the most points for in the league through the first 4 game. No major injuries or lack of performance overall from her players. Easy pick in my book. 2. NorthSide Angels: 2-1 (+1) Solid performance with his top WR on the bench. Has the 2nd best points for in the league even though he is 2-2. Might have a little problem in RB depth in the future but Ware and Crowell playing well and without Gronk. You deserve to be number 2 this week. You have earned this honor. 3. Indian Outlaws: 2-2 (+2) Moves up in the world even though he has the lowest points for in the league. Like I said you are lucky to be 2-2 right now because it could be a lot worse and 0-4 pretty easily. However, solid trade for Le’Veon with the only concern being a consistent flex play? Also what if one of your WR never begin to produce? You have to wait for Rawls, Martin, and now Dwayne Washington. You are a top 3 team even with the lowest point in the first 4 weeks. Let’s see how long you can stay in the top tier. 4. Big City Hillbillies: 1-3 (+6) Hillbillies drastically moves up the rankings with a huge week 4 performance and finally a RB1 he can rely on. There are always injury concerns with Murray but for now his WR will attempt keep this team afloat. This might have been a little bullish but I feel like these WR will produce even if Julio is hanging out in Den and Sea the next two weeks. I think BCH has finally turned a corner but he’s on thin ice. He can easily pull a 180 back down this list. 5. Troll Hunters: 2-2 (-3) No consistency from his top guys, he has a full time with tons of talent but if his team can’t produce, then he doesn’t deserve to be a top tier team. Brady will help with the QB situation but without CJ or Gurly putting up 15 it’s a struggle to win each week. 6. River Gypsies: 1-3 (-2) Still nervous about these RBs (Miller really breaking out and Freeman with these match-ups). As well as Alshon being Alshon and Hopkins playing the shut down DST MIN!! Tough loss with Murray and crabtree but we’ll see if Hopkins can turn things around. 7. Suzy’s Pancakes 2-2 (-) Still really nervous about this RB. Gore is a RB2 but not a true RB1 and Riddick has been serviceable but unsure if he’ll lose out a lot with Dwayne taking over the running game in a week or two. He has performed admirably for the time being but he can only hope for another game like week 1. Brown and Olsen are the only things keep this squad from the bottom tier (as for now) 8. 90* Putters: 3-1 (-) Hyde is actually doing more then just his week 1 performance in 2015. With 3 RBs that actually have starting roles (even though they are on pretty bad offenses) at least they are wholly owning their position. If 90* can put up 125 points will move you up to at least 7th next week. I promise. 9. Twin City Tree Cats: 3-1 (-3) You beat Mullynation this week and you will move to a top 4 spot as 4-1. Gordon will be good but I don’t see him as 100 insta 15+ points every week. That is what you are missing with Bell. He is basically a full RB1 and Flex by himself. With Michael on a bye you stay near the bottom even at 3-1. 90* does have two (and a third) starting (not committee) RBs this week which is why he is number 8. Also, his 100 pts last week is really what it seems because of not starting a RB2. Wish I could move you up this week but you earned this when you broke the mully curse. However, I’m really cheering for you to re-establish the Mullynation curse and help the league out with this. If you can we will reward you 10 fold. 10. Vicious Veg-Heads: 1-3 (-1) Honestly, your team is better than 1-3 if Newton gets healthy and Jamaal turns back into the RB he use to be. He could be in the middle of the pack, but he will have to rely on Jeremy Hill and hope for goal line touches and scores to make up for lost points that Gio always takes. Hopefully, your players can turn things around for you. Week 5 BOLD PredictionsTroll Hunters over Big City Hillbillies (Cooper will outscore Crabtree – all you haters saying Crabtree is better now even has the ESPN analysts thinking so. He’ll change their minds this week don’t you worry.
River Gypsies over Indian Outlaws (Hopkins will outscore Beckham – Beckham is playing GB but Hopkins is playing Min. Hopkins time to shine, just a little though since they are playing the home town team the Vikes) 90* Putters over Northside Angels (Dalton “Red Rifle” over Carr – NSA will get “Boned by the Red Rifle” Quote from Mathew Berry – ESPN. Okay maybe not BOLD enough, so how about Fuller over Jordy? That bold enough for you, 90* has magic on his side, nothing is impossible for him. Vicious Veg-Heads over Suzy’s Pancakes (Going really BOLD and say Evans over Brown – brown isn’t unstoppable every week… and this will be his poor week) Mullynation over Twin City Tree Cats (Howard over Gordon – wait Mullynation isn’t a underdog…? Actually, we aren’t sure she has broken the curse so to go against her would be the easy choice. Going long and saying Howard outscore Gordon, now that’s bold for you. |
By: Hayden HansonMr. Hayden Hanson (Editor in Chief) is an Accountant-extraordinaire, as well as an aspiring writer. He has written several moderately-successful self-help books, the most famous of which is "What Do You Mean You Can Smell My BO?" Gustav Travers of the New York Times praised the book as "A vulnerable, courageous look into the mind of a man who has literally no sense that other people exist. And also no sense of smell. Nope, he definitely doesn't have that either. Just musk, like a hog that's gotten into the cabbage." Archives
September 2019
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