BEST MOVE OF THE WEEK
Despite a losing effort, I'm going to acknowledge Hayden's ballsy move here. This guy benched Montee Ball, his two-year keeper. I know it's easy to look at his slow start and say, "Well yeah this guy deserves to be benched," but actually doing it is a different story. Look at RRiaa, who has continued to put Shady McCoy in his starting lineup despite his pathetic scoring. Benching studs is hard, but Hayden absolutely made the right call this week. Ball's 1.8 points clearly reflects that. WORST MOVE OF THE WEEK No one had a really egregious "Worst Move" this week, and since I did two last week, I'm going to take it easier this week. I'll instead highlight three moves that just didn't work out, despite making sense at the time. First, the mullynation playing Calvin Johnson instead of Ben Tate. Tate was coming off an injury, and rumors swirled about Crowell and West cutting into his touches when he did come back. Calvin is Calvin, and it's pretty hard to ever justify benching Calvin when he's going to play. Going by that line of reasoning, the mullynation rolled the dice on Calvin and benched Tate. It didn't work, and Tate's 12 bench points would have easily earned her the win this week over JO, had she played him. Second, PMotr playing the Bengals defense against the Patriots. After consecutive -9 and -10 point showings from the Panthers in Weeks Three and Four, respectively, we have upped the ante in Week Five. The Bengals boast a fearsome defense, and Brady & Co were reduced to rubble last week by the Chiefs. Who would bet against the Bengals in this match (besides me, which Gentry can corroborate)? This seemed like a fine move, but then BAM negative eleven points. Whoops. Third, 302 playing Larry Donnell against the Falcons. The Falcons are pretty good against TEs, but who would have suspected ZERO points from the same man who became a fantasy darling last week? Perhaps Donnell just was overwhelmed by the Falcons, or perhaps he's not quite the elite TE we thought he was shaping out to be. Next week will help us figure out which. Power Rankings: #1 Staff Infection (4-1) +2 In the heavyweight matchup of last week's #2 vs #3, TDfW came up just a bit short against SI. If only Demaryius Thomas simply not scored 34 points! Then TDfW would have had a better chance. That's the only slight about this week: any team with a player who scores 34 should win handily, and it was damn close this week. The rest of SI was a mix of impressive and mediocre, with Jordan Cameron continuing to mire in obscurity (who called that one again?). Maclin is looking like a legitimate WR1, and perhaps Vincent Jackson is going to have some semblance of value with Mike Glennon at the helm? There aren't going to be many weeks where Stafford and Gio score seven points, so TDfW was fortunate in that respect. However, whatever good fortune caused their lackluster weeks, it was all lost with Demaryius' record-settling performance. 226 yards and 2 TDs is nothing to sneeze at. SI earned this spot. #2 the mullynation (3-2) -1 Even in a loss, the mullynation yet again continued the 100+ points, Top 4 scorer streak. This is a team that posted 112 points (losing by just four) despite Calvin Johnson earning less than one point. With news that Jimmy Graham's injury is minor, and with the impressive return of Ben Tate, at least some injury news is bright for the mullynation. On top of that, Brian Quick is looking legit. Quick's connection with Austin Davis is paying nice dividends, and it has catapulted him into the top 10 WRs on a points-per-game basis. Calvin Johnson's injury is certainly nothing to smile about, but with Quick, Kelvin Benjamin, Brandin Cooks, and TY Hilton waiting in the wings, a couple Megatron-less weeks won't kill the mullynation's dreams. An interesting note, with seconds remaining in the game and the Panthers in the red zone, Cam Newton threw for Kelvin Benjamin in the end zone. The throw was too high and went over Benjamin's head. A play later, Cam threw to Greg Olsen in the end zone, scoring the touchdown. Given the fact that JO was starting Olsen, and the final margin of victory was only four points, that sequence earned the victory for JO. #3 Turn Down for Watt (3-2) -1 After a tense Week Five loss to the dreaded Staff Infection, TDfW slides one step down the power rankings. Despite the losing effort, this was one of the most evenly-distributed team performances of the year. Eddie Lacy shook off four weeks of rust (unfortunately against the Purple) and posted an impressive performance. The receiving corps also showed up, each showing solid production. Cam had a good week. Gronk had a good week. The Seahawks defense had a good week. Oh wait no. They didn't. TDfW and SI entered Monday night's game tied, with the Seahawks defense going against SI's Steven Hauschka. The defense couldn't get the job done, and SI escaped with his victory. Still, this team is not reliant on any one member, meaning its less likely to under-perform in any given week. SI has an annual talent for having the least points-against, and even with their win, at least TDfW posted some points on them. #4 JULIOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (3-2) +1 JO earned its victory this week on the back of two unlikely heroes: the San Diego Chargers' defense, and TE Greg Olsen. Those two combined for 40+ points, which will likely earn a victory for any team in any week. Though it certainly wasn't a decisive victory over the mullynation in Week Five, it did do the job. Still though, besides Matt Forte and Frank Gore, not a single member of JO met their ESPN projection. I'm not splitting hairs here either; they missed their projections by a decent margin. This discrepancy is most obvious with the seemingly stacked WR corps of Keenan Allen, Julio Jones, and Brandon Marshall. Those three combined for 17.7 points, and Marshall especially looked not himself. If Marshall continues to be hampered by his injury, Golden Tate may start seeing the lineup. He looked incredibly impressive this week sitting on the bench. JO is a team with talent and the ability to score big points each week, but as we've seen this season, this team has not been consistent. Consistency is key in fantasy football, and JO's ranking reflects this inability to know what to expect every week. #5 Poppin Mollies on the reg (3-2) +1 Julius Thomas may have earned Asshole-of-the-Week awards for chop blocking and injuring Calais Campbell, but his 18 points once again is carrying PMotr to victory. On a different note, it's nice to see Andre Ellington do something this season! This is a guy with all the hype in the world who couldn't live up last year, and hadn't so far this year. I'm happy for him, and I'm sure PMotr is as well. This team can't go much higher though, as the WR corps COMBINED for 2.4 points, a shocking total. There's nothing wrong with having nice RBs, but this neglect may come back to bite PMotr eventually. There needs to be more balance here. #6 Gin Makes Me Bum Pucker (2-3) +4 Taking a page right out of the JO playbook, GMMBP rode to victory this week on the back of TE Antonio Gates (18 points) and the Patriots defense (18 points). Of course, Aaron Rodger's 18 points helped also, but that's more expected. At least for one week, GMMBP earned more points from its recent WR swap than JO did. Despite this, a paltry 1.6 points from Crabtree leaves a bad taste in everyone's mouth. Shipping off Brandon Marshall and Golden Tate for Reggie Wayne and Michael Crabtree is a bold call, and for GMMBP to come out ahead, Crabtree is going to need to post at least consistent WR3 numbers. Emmanuel Sanders looked more impressive than his 10 point statline represents, appearing to have great chemistry with Peyton this week. GMMBP may be in for a rough couple weeks though if Reggie Bush has to miss much time. This is a team bereft of RB talent, a fact I'm choosing to ignore for this week's rankings. I just wanted to make sure they leap-frogged their brotherly counterpart, #Omaha, after a nice beatdown. #7 302 Cadets (2-3) -4 The cadets got their best production from the Eagles defense (21 points), so the string of defensive success continues. Other than that, and the two Patriots RBs sitting on the bench, things were somewhat grim for the cadets in Week Five. With a point total of 82 (even with 21 from the DST!), this was clearly not the cadets' week. Jamaal Charles ran for a decent average, but not finding the endzone cost him. This team is built around Brees, Charles, and Brown, and none of them were their normal selves this week. In fact, Brees hasn't been himself this whole season. With only a single 20+ point game (and it was 20.2), Brees is hardly living up to his $36 pricetag. Larry Donnell is one week removed from being a fantasy hero, but his embarrassing goose-egg in Week Five turned him quickly back into a goat. Much like JO, this is a team with high highs and low lows. Until we see some consistency, it's hard to justify moving and keeping 302 up the ranks. #8 #Omaha! (2-3) -1 "Despite a meager ESPN projection of 90, I see #Omaha certainly breaking 100 and grabbing the W." That's what I wrote last week. Man was I wrong. You did this to me #Omaha! You did this! After losing in disappointing fashion to the surprising #10 seed, his brother, #Omaha is probably going to be in for a bad week in terms of bragging rights. Hopefully #Omaha can right the ship before their anticipated rematch in Week 9 (coincidentally when TDfW and SI clash once again, this time for a Taco Bell side-bet). Like SI, #Omaha had one member of the 30+ club but couldn't seal the victory. Unlike SI, #Omaha had only one member of the team score in double figures. That's a rough showing. Montee Ball is supposedly going to be out for some time, so it may just go down from here. #9 Team Kanne (2-3) -1 In back-to-back weeks Team Kanne has posted 94 points, last week being a defeat and this week being a victory. The drop from #8 to #9 more has to do with the manager of TK than the team, though the team is not super skilled to start with. The potential is there, but to reach it, Steve is going to need to participate, something he is hesitant to do. He once again played Knile Davis as his RB2, earning just 0.6 points. Worse still, he started Eric Decker, who was inactive this week. If you're counting at home, this is the second time TK has started an inactive player this season. Unless Steve starts paying attention, the bye weeks are going to start spelling easy victories for his opponents. Hopefully he does start paying attention, otherwise we may need to call in an emergency replacement. #10 Ray Rice is an asshole (1-4): -1 And with RRiaa, we have our newest #10 seed. It may be a short stay down here though, as RRiaa faces a 302 squad in Week Six that is missing both Drew Brees and Jamaal Charles. In Week Five though, RRiaa looked rather toothless. Edelman and Hurns handicapped the WR corps while Bennett's 2 points brought him back down to earth after his surprising start. McCoy posted yet another bad week, making it harder and harder for RRiaa to move forward. At some point, it may be time to utilize what value his name still has. He's looking timid and indecisive behind his abysmal offensive line, and on the one run this week where he looked like the old Shady, he promptly fumbled. Still though, the last four teams to be named the #10 seed (well three, since Team Kanne was #10 twice), have posted a 3-1 record in the following weeks, and the only loss scored 94 points. So what the hell do I know? Predictions (Winners underlined): Turn Down for Watt (3-2, +532/-499) @ Poppin Mollies on the reg (3-2, +515/-447) Gin Makes Me Bum Pucker (2-3, +411/-493) @ JULIOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (3-2, +501/-497) 302 Cadets (2-3, +498/-464) @ Ray Rice is an asshole (1-4, +416/-546 ) #Omaha! (2-3, +444/-494) @ Team Kanne (2-3, +512/-535) Staff Infection (4-1, +529/-419) @ the mullynation (3-2, +576/-540) Last Week’s Picks: (0-5) OUCH Overall record: (14-11)
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By: Hayden HansonMr. Hayden Hanson (Editor in Chief) is an Accountant-extraordinaire, as well as an aspiring writer. He has written several moderately-successful self-help books, the most famous of which is "What Do You Mean You Can Smell My BO?" Gustav Travers of the New York Times praised the book as "A vulnerable, courageous look into the mind of a man who has literally no sense that other people exist. And also no sense of smell. Nope, he definitely doesn't have that either. Just musk, like a hog that's gotten into the cabbage." Archives
September 2019
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