BEST MOVE OF THE WEEK
Our "Best Move of the Week" for Week Nine goes to Mr. Gentry Bain for SI's FLEX play of Deandre Hopkins over Vincent Jackson. Anybody who has been following fantasy football this season knows that VJax has looked like a dumpster fire at times this year, but name recognition is still hard to overcome sometimes. VJax can play like a stud every once in a while, and that gamble can be just so tantalizing. On the contrary, Deandre is the second-year guy that had a really rough start to the season with an equally-bad QB, so it's not too hard to do the required mental gymnastics to sit him. SI sniffed out the right play, favoring Deandre's 19.5 over VJax's 8.9 points. Smart move. WORST MOVE OF THE WEEK This is perhaps the easiest pick of the entire year. Maybe that's a little much, but maybe not. When you lose by 7.5 points, you dissect every lineup move you made that week. Starting one QB vs the other (my problem), starting one RB vs the other (mullynation's quasi-problem, though she still won), starting one WR vs the other (RRiaa's problem). These are normal things, and everybody has to deal with them sometimes. The issue lies when you just decide, "Eh, I'm not going to fill out a full roster this week." Losing by 7.5 blows. Losing to your brother blows. Losing by 7.5 points to your brother when you chose to leave a hole in your lineup IS YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT. Plenty of DPs earn 7.5 points in a week. I'm shaking my head at you Chris. You're better than this. Get puckered. Power Rankings: #1 the mullynation (7-2) --- Wow. This is maybe the closest call for the #1 spot all year. Maybe it's more fair to call the mullynation #1 and SI #1a. Regardless, it's the mullynation's name at the top spot for another week. The distinction lies with the mullynation not having any injuries with Calvin Johnson returning. Jimmy Graham doesn't care if he's Probable. Whatever. Since his embarrassing goose-egg in Week Seven, Graham has posted 12 and 14 points. Luck has proven time and time again that he's among the most valuable fantasy commodities, and TY Hilton is getting there. Murray took a tumble this week against Arizona, though the do boast the second-best RB defense. Murray didn't break 100 yards for the first time this week, though I don't really think that anyone is worried. Ingram has averaged over 20 points per game in the four games he's played healthy. The triumphant return of Josh Gordon looms every nearer. Let's just say I'm glad that I'm not playing the mullynation any more times this season. The Top-4 scoring streak and 100+ streak continue yet another week, a truly remarkable achievement. #2 Staff Infection (7-2) --- SI is looking incredibly strong, though perhaps not quite as strong as last week. There are hushed rumors from Bengals insiders that Gio's injury could cause more missed time than previously thought, and SI's seemingly-unstoppable Jeremy Maclin may be capped in coming weeks by the play of Mark Sanchez. As dynamic as Maclin has been, its not often that a WR just shakes off the loss of their QB. Foles could be out for the rest of the fantasy season, and it'd be foolish to think that Maclin won't be affected in some manner. Still though, it might not even matter. DT is racking up yards (if not TDs), and LeVeon is basically the same way. Deandre Hopkins played great this week and it showed of SI's depth. This is a tough team, and it's going to take an unusual turn of events for it to not secure a playoff bye. Not like that mattered last year though, right? #3 Turn Down for Watt (5-4) --- The Cam Newton era is over. It's officially time to switch to Ben Roethlisberger. In fact, that time was two weeks ago, but I was too stupid to notice. Ben now has a staggering 12 passing TDs in two games, an NFL record. He's a Top 3 QB in scoring. He's going to captain the Quest for Three, and you scrubs are going to stand by and watch. Despite being on Bye-pocalypse this week with two of my starting RBs out and my precious Jordy Nelson gone, I was decently happy with a Top-5 finish for TDfW. Of course I predicted my victory in the blog last week, but as Gentry will attest, I wasn't really too confident. If it took two consecutive losses to the #1 and #2 team to convince me to rid myself of Cam Newton, I'll thank you both. On another note, I need Rashad Jennings back. I mean it would be poetic to sneak into the playoffs as the six seed yet again, beat Gentry down, then snatch the championship trophy as he cries, but wouldn't it be nice to be a favorite? That would be cool I guess. But really, I've just got to make it. A playoff lineup of Big Ben, Shady, Jennings, Lacy, Jordy, Dez, Gronk, and JJ Watt is a pretty damn good lineup, and I think it can compete with the mullynation and SI. Just gotta get there. #4 302 Cadets (5-4) +1 302 had a nice week and introduced 38V to the league in a major way. Drew Brees looked more like the old, new Drew Brees (AKA the bad Brees) rather than the new, new Drew Brees we've seen in the last two weeks. The rare rushing TD saved his fantasy day, otherwise he would have stayed in single digits. Jamaal is finding his way into the endzone with ease, though interestingly enough he still hasn't broken 100 yards this season! ODB is looking like yet another productive rookie WR (joining Benjamin, Watkins, Cooks, Evans, Bryant, etc) and could work as a high-ceiling, low-floor WR2 for the rest of the season probably. There are going to be games were he looks like a rookie, and there are going to be games where Eli looks like Eli, but there are going to be games like his last two, where he looks like he belongs in the NFL. Hawkins, Bowe, Holmes, and Pierce don't really belong in a standard starting lineup, but maybe something will change. Regardless, 302 is making his playoff push with a couple nice wins in a row. #5 Gin Makes Me Bum Pucker (5-4) -1 This was it. Chris Hanson of House Bum Pucker, was facing off against his hated arch-nemesis, Hayden Hanson of House Manning. This was a matchup to prove that Chris is truly a Bum Pucker at heart, not just some bottom-of-the-heap scrub like where he started the season. He was supposed to be the chosen one, rising from the ashes like an anus-shaped phoenix. This was his magnum opus. He was going to sweep his brother, and possibly vault into the Top 3 doing so. Wouldn't that have been grand? Despite GMMBP riding an impressive winning streak, like some ruggedly handsome version of Nostradamus, I noted last week: there is some mild concern on the horizon Am I the best? No. Am I a hero? I won't stop you from saying that. Was I right? Unfortunately for Chris, yes. The matchup came down to a narrow 7.5 point victory for I'm Just Going to Shake It Off (previously #Omaha!). The kicker is that GMMBP had this victory easily within its grasp, even with sub-par production from most of its players. The defensive player slot was undeniably a factor this week. Every point matters in close matchups, and even though going in this wasn't supposed to be all that close, that's the way the cookie crumbles. GMMBP got cocky this week, thinking his brother was no more than a pleb, and GMMBP took his nice five game winning streak and just shat all over it. There's no excuse not to field a full squad, and it's not unreasonable for a defensive player (even a non-JJ-Watt player) to break 7.5 points. This was a win, but GMMBP didn't want to commit to the pucker. Embarrassing. #6 Poppin Mollies on the reg (5-4) +2 PMotr mostly looked pretty damn good this week. They collectively feasted on some nice easy matchups, and there was uniform, solid production en route to earning our high score of the week. Remember when PMotr scored the fewest points last week and the second-fewest points two weeks before that? Evan doesn't. As I've said a couple times, PMotr will go as Lynch goes. When Lynch gets to play the Raiders, PMotr is going to win games. Also, can we just take a moment to acknowledge that Denard Robinson is looking solid? That Jacksonville offensive line isn't exactly Dallas, yet he's getting the job done. Ellington, on the other hand, had a somewhat unimpressive 19 point game, if that's even possible to say. He's running for under 4 yards per carry and still has a season-total of two rushing TDs. Receiving TDs are undoubtedly more sporadic for RBs, though Ellington did get one this week. He has a total of two receiving TDs on the season as well. Unfortunately the road is tough for Andre, with some serious defenses coming up. On top of that, the WR production still isn't there. 7.4 points combined from Steve Smith and Doug Baldwin is not going to cut it come playoff time, and Lynch won't be playing the Raiders every week. PMotr is definitely benefiting from having the least points against, though its not like it mattered this week! Enjoy your new name, Evan. Pick something good, Dan. #7 Ray Rice is an asshole (2-7) --- Call me a believer. I'm on the RRiaa hype-train. After bottoming out at #10 RRiaa has now put together two straight weeks of nice totals (132 and 116). The legend of the #10 spot lives on. Unfortunately RRiaa drew a tough opponent this weekend, facing off and losing to the mullynation in our closest match of the week. Brady is playing like a man possessed, averaging a ridiculous 26+ points since his abysmal Chiefs game. AlfMo put together his best game of the season, covering for Chris Ivory's rough start. Sanu is playing more like AJ Green than AJ Green is, but if that changes back to normal that's okay, because RRiaa has AJ Green also. Furthermore, RRiaa showed off some nice bench WR depth this week with Edelman and Evans both cracking 20 points easily. Ryan Mathews is coming back from injury soon, and suddenly this team actually looks pretty legit. Color me convinced. I'm not sure that RRiaa can make the playoffs this year due to the 2-7 record, but I'm honestly expecting three wins in the last four games. Let's see a strong finish here, Alex, and who knows? Maybe 6-7 could be good enough for a six seed. The 3 point loss to the mullynation and the 4 point loss to 302 really hurt here. This team is way better than its record. #8 Tucker and Duds vs. Evil (3-6) -2 I'm not going to overreact and plummet TaDvE down to the #10 spot just because of a 71 point showing. I went to review how TaDvE performed this week and was left pretty unimpressed with the starting lineup, but then I checked the bench. Oh boy. Matt Forte, Steven Jackson, Brandon Marshall, Golden Tate, and Julio Jones were all on bye this week (perhaps a good thing in the case of Jones, given recent play). Wow. This team was completely gutted by the bye, much to the benefit of PMotr. Unfortunately for TaDvE's bye week woes, they're set for a new name in Week Ten. Olsen has had a couple troubling games, and he's clearly impacted by Cam Newton's ridiculously poor play right now. On the bright side though, Martavis Bryant is looking like the real deal. He scored 16.7 points this week, just narrowly missing Julio's total production from his last three games. Big Ben is playing as well as he ever has, and I think a large part of that is due to the inclusion of Bryant. TaDvE is going to need to make up two quick games to get into a playoff position, which is a tall task with only four weeks to play. #9 I'm Just Gonna Shake It Off (3-6): +1 Do we even need to mention the whole #10 anti-curse anymore? Has it gotten to that point yet? T-Swift bounced back nicely from the #10 spot earning a victory over rival GMMBP. Despite mediocre days from Terrence Williams, Reuben Randle, and Zach Ertz, T-Swift scraped together 91 points which was enough for a slim win. At 3-6 this team still has playoff hopes, though those would take a big hit with any more losses. Peyton has only not broken 20 points in one single game this year, and you know what he scored in that game? 19.5 freaking points. In my draft review early on I named Hayden's team: “Help Me Peyton Manning, You’re My Only Hope”. That may have been my most accurate team name of the year. As long as Peyton keeps chugging, T-Swift has a chance. Not a great chance, but a chance. The RB situation is pretty grim, as the Denver backfield (either Hillman or Ball) is the only real option. Andre Williams will lose his gig when Rashad Jennings comes back, though that keeps getting pushed back. Doug Martin is now a third stringer. Khiry Robinson is now a third-stringer. Zac Stacy is now a third stringer. CJ Spiller is on IR. Woof. #10 38% Chance of Victory (3-6) -1 Welcome to the league, Mike! Or should I say Dick Cream? After taking over for Steve, Team Kanne is now 38% Chance of Victory, perhaps the best name in our league's history. That name couldn't save 38V though, as they barely broke 60 points in their first game. That was largely due to Adam Vinatieri's heroics on Monday night, coming through with 19 points. 38V may be in more capable hands now, but this team still will need a lot of help to make the playoffs. It's crunch time now, and 38V has four weeks to prove their mettle. Arian Foster sustained a groin injury this week, though 38V has his backup Alfred Blue. That's about the extent of the good news. Knile Davis had 0.9, Andre Johnson had 1.2, Stevie Johnson had 4.1, and Clay Harbor had 0.7. This was a rough week, even by rough standards. I think that 38V is better than they looked this week, but they're going to need some deft waiver moves to climb out of this hole. Predictions (Winners underlined): Tucker and Duds vs. Evil (3-6, +870/-982) @ Turn Down for Watt (5-4, +936/-933) the mullynation (7-2, +1094/-993) @ 38% Chance of Victory (3-6, +875/-935) Ray Rice is an asshole (2-7, +724/-859) @ Poppin Mollies on the reg (5-4, +913/-819) 302 Cadets (5-4, +956/-855) @ I'm Just Gonna Shake It Off (2-6, +709/-845) Staff Infection (7-2, +1014/-860) @ Gin Makes Me Bum Pucker (5-4, +826/-840) Last Week’s Picks: (3-2) Overall record: (27-18)
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By: Hayden HansonMr. Hayden Hanson (Editor in Chief) is an Accountant-extraordinaire, as well as an aspiring writer. He has written several moderately-successful self-help books, the most famous of which is "What Do You Mean You Can Smell My BO?" Gustav Travers of the New York Times praised the book as "A vulnerable, courageous look into the mind of a man who has literally no sense that other people exist. And also no sense of smell. Nope, he definitely doesn't have that either. Just musk, like a hog that's gotten into the cabbage." Archives
September 2019
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